Funny Quotes Pictures
Each bite of the apple only increases the chances of finding the worm...
Some people will stop at nothing. As for me, I keep right on going to the negative integers...
"The simpler things in life are the greater things in life"..
" Tudu pekadur ta padidu libri I igual na balur suma na diritus, suma e dadu kapasidadi di pensa, e..
It is not the fault of good nor is good to be blamed for there being worthless no good GOD'S...
Few people realise that we are living in hell and that we are the demons who inhabit it...
A friend once asked me what charities he should donate to if he won the lottery. I simply said he..
Having big ears does not make you a better listener. Likewise, having a big mouth does not make you..
Sometimes I feel the only reason I am still on any social media is to practise my eye rolling..
Top 10 Funny Quotes
I can't afford to rich because it is too expensive.- John Guedes do Nascimento
The ad said "Take This Quiz To See If You Can Retire Comfortably." So I took the quiz in a bean bag chair.- John Alejandro King
Many people are afraid of Artificial Intelligence but what they should really be worried about is Human Stupidity.- John Guedes do Nascimento
Artificial Intelligence can't be worse than human intelligence.- John Guedes do Nascimento
Only the dead truly know the right way to live.- John Guedes do Nascimento
I feel like when I am awake I am in a dream and when I am sleeping I am in the real world.- John Guedes do Nascimento
"In a world of sharks, be a dolphin; they are smarter."- Erik Richard Vincelette
"I don't know what anyone else thinks, but I can't help but compare Snoop Dogg as being the black version of Kid Rock!"- The Quoted Iris
People speak different languages and laughing could be the same Ha Ha Ha Haaa!- Fn Shihepo
"STATEMENT: Joe Biden is going to announce his RUN for a second term. FACT: He can't even WALK?!"- The Quoted Iris
Inspirational + Funny Quotes ⇑
Inspirational Quotes
"Today was one of those frenzied type of days where you feel as if you had been the; "YOU ARE HERE" push-pin on the Giant Map of LIFE." - The Quoted Iris
You always need to show your good side if you live in a house made of glass. - Anthony T Hincks
They prefer lands, but I prefer a river... the day bush fires will start, it knows who to avoid - Pistis Balu
When you have something to say to others that they don't want to hear, listen to them first, to learn how to say it so they can hear you better. - Srinivas Mishra
“Be the best person you can as in the end it is only you” - Kabir Khivan Singh
“You’ve chosen your path, now don’t look back” - Kabir Khivan Singh
“Your smile should be the last thing that goes” - Kabir Khivan Singh
“Do not fix your bed when you are sleepy. Fix it before you get sleepy so that you can rest easy.” - Edline E Major
One of man’s most effective skills is his ability to recline. Yet, it is only employed when he perceives his opponent is stronger than him. Laurels to my friend, Emmanuel Echeta. - Zion Iyogun
Don’t see someone better or worse than you, one teaches you to grateful for the things you have and the other teaches you to be hungry for the things you don’t. - Shivam Joshi
“There are some things that can’t be written down in a book and your destiny is amongst one of those things, create your own future” - Kabir Khivan Singh
Happy birthday, today is your special day. Life may have thrown some stumbling blocks your way, but never forget that God Is still and will ALWAYS be in control, continue to Trust Him and He will see you through. Do not let that stop you from enjoying your day. Go and celebrate. - Edline E Major
You: Are you Pregnant? Me: Yes, twins You: Really, boy or girl? Me: Large and Small Intestines - Edline E Major
You: Are you Pregnant? Me: Yes, twins You: Really, boy or girl? Me: Large and Small Intestines - Edline E Major
Those who often neglected him in his poverty and laughed at his hard work, are the ones who envy his success the most. - Srinivas Mishra
When you bury your head in the sand you become too exposed to innuendo. - Anthony T Hincks
Sometimes, I just wish that I was a homicidal maniac with a purpose in life. - Anthony T Hincks
My head on a pedastool is not a place to sit. - Anthony T Hincks
My car had a wine in its engine. Then my mechanic came and removed the bottle. - Anthony T Hincks
Often there is at least more than one way to rise above one's difficulties, by patience and relentless hard work, regardless of one's situation, if one dedicates oneself with a keen interest to the relevant best possible efforts. - Srinivas Mishra
Good friends are like herpes. You don't always see them, but you know they're always there. - Justin Winski
If you are going to marry a wealthy man, accept the side chicks that come with him - Pistis Balu
Try to divert the mind by arranging some free time from the busy schedules to fill the mind with joy as a calm mind can recharge better to perform more in the endeavors made in the life - Srinivas Mishra
The cost of sanity these days is just crazy. - Anthony T Hincks
Black don’t CRACK, but they smoke CRACK. - Edline E Major
Stop looking for a perfect moment,rather learn to make it perfect when it's seems rough...... - feranmi olatinwo
Everything in man that is a man is his mind, the rest are useless you can even find them in a pig or a dog. - James ng uni
Shoes make my toes tingle. Oh, oh...that's the super glue. - Anthony T Hincks
"My mind preoccupied like a busy waterfall, I'd like to go there sometimes." - Neo i39
"Why did the frankincense get kicked out of the yoga studio? Because it was too scents-itive" - Bioshifax
Cowards can never be cowboys. - Daniels-Adudu Darlintine Uche.
Bananas will always have a fear of peanuts and ice-cream on a Sunday. - Anthony T Hincks
Find a way to live without university degrees. It will change your thinking from limited to global! - Petovick banks
A man changes himself best for his own good when he is most hurt by the challenges of the one he loves the most. - Srinivas Mishra
They say love each other without care but it will only destroy because we are not equal. - Enrique B. Picardal Jr
They say love each other without care but it will only destroy because we are not equal. - Enrique B. Picardal Jr
They say love each other without care but it will only destroy because we are not equal. - Enrique B. Picardal Jr
They say love each other without care but it will only destroy because we are not equal. - Enrique B. Picardal Jr
No one knows a nose like a nose knows a nose. - Anthony T Hincks
It is not fulfilling to allow everyone lean on us......when it is only us leaning on arock......!! - William Sebunje
It will continue to hard for us to deliver.....if everything around us is gossip......!! - William Sebunje
Those that have lived to initiate gossip won’t stop even when you help their own……!! - William Sebunje
We shall continue to seem wrong….., just because we are not into rabbit rearing like them…..!! - William Sebunje
It is not possible to allow everyone lean on us..., when it is only us leaning on a badly shaped Rock...!!! - William Sebunje
It is not possible to allow everyone lean on us..., when it is only us leaning on a badly shaped Rock...!!! - William Sebunje
It is not possible to allow everyone lean on us.. when it is only us leaning on a badly shaped Rock.!! - William Sebunje
I do not know if it's heaven or hell I will find myself after I die. But it doesn't matter. wherever I will be, I will create my own paradise. - James ng uni
Don't seek a permanent solution to a temporary problem. - Blessings N Ng uni
Consider the possibility that the more you engage, comment or react to fools and foolishness online, the more those fools and that foolishness are amplified, promoted and seen. Want to reduce their impact? Consider reducing your engagement with both them and their posts. - Loren Weisman
Greed will cover your eyes with blindness. Just as ego will cover your ears with deafness. We all have our senses, but not all of us are prepared to use our sense. - Anthony T Hincks
If your end is in sight, then you have been going in circles. - Anthony T Hincks
We appear to be in an up swing trend of artificial intelligence creating artificial experts. - Loren Weisman
The devil made me cry,God gave him the chance so as to make me wise by linqwa. - Linqwa
Don't pluck your chicken if you are going to have duck for lunch. - Anthony T Hincks
"In a world of sharks, be a dolphin; they are smarter." - Erik Richard Vincelette
Artificial Intelligence can't be worse than human intelligence. - John Guedes do Nascimento
Many people are afraid of Artificial Intelligence but what they should really be worried about is Human Stupidity. - John Guedes do Nascimento
I can't afford to rich because it is too expensive. - John Guedes do Nascimento
Few people realise that we are living in hell and that we are the demons who inhabit it. - John Guedes do Nascimento
Decisions will only make you think. - Anthony T Hincks
"The simpler things in life are the greater things in life" - J. Kritz
Wish I had a flat head to perceive a round earth. - Plantseed Benjamin
Each bite of the apple only increases the chances of finding the worm. - Anthony T Hincks
Success drives a hard bargain... - LYGAS
Life + Funny Quotes ⇑
Life Quotes
Those who have attained wealth all of a sudden feel the need to start giving advice... even if its unsolicited - Pistis Balu
“Men take risks; the men who don't aren't men”, replying a lady who questioned my absentmindedly eating hot spicy food with my head bent into the dish. Bearing in mind that speaking while eating itself was already dangerous enough. - Zion Iyogun
It has been all about women.. Most happily married women are the considered ugly. Then I'm wondering where are these beautiful ones on social media. - Uche Onyinyechi Richard
Before you ever brew a tea, get to know the herbs better or you will most likely get poisoned like me. - Lea Kardov
I am no summer person. I don't know how to cope with all that sunlight and half-naked people frying at the beach. Give me a rainy autumn evening and some yellow wellingtons. - Lea Kardov
Only a fool ignores a smokey matchstick in a haystack house - Pistis Balu
There is a life to enjoy even In a cage. Just learn to create beautiful imaginations for yourself. - Nathaniel S.T
Sometimes life is like a dumpling… Sticky. - Xiao An Bing
There are no bad children, but parents that never knew how to raise them. - Ivan Javier Velasquez
May the excitement that awoke you up at 12am on 1st of January 2023 help you go through January. - Fn Shihepo
You get vaccinated and boosted under the pretense of protecting yourself and those around you. You buy a Tesla under the pretense that you’re doing your part to protect the environment. You have a child & you pretend to be a good parent. But, you’re still wearing a mask because you KNOW you’re fugly - Harvey Staub
We live at work and only visit our homes. - James ng uni
I just finished talking to myself. We both feel better now - Harvey Staub
Life’s too short to bother with people you don’t like. What’s the point anyway ? To prove how fake you can be ? - Harvey Staub
Some things in life should never be done. Like a woman sending a man to buy her tampons - Harvey Staub
Thank you for wearing your mask. The world is a better place now with less fugliness - Harvey Staub
Another type of person to avoid is the one who’s always complaining about something. Do they not realize they are annoying af ? Do they not realize that you don’t want to hear nor have time for their ranting? Everyone has something they can complain about. I choose not to burden anyone with mine - Harvey Staub
Hospital “protocol” is just a nice word for dictatorship - Harvey Staub
Judgement Is Not Done. But Passed Unto Someone Or Thing. - Uche Onyinyechi Richard
Consider how the world has changed; we grew up watching movies and being fascinated by them; now, a rectangular device a Smartphone transforms our entire lives into movies, and we are fascinated by it! - George O Smith
When people tell you on the phone , “ just give me a second,” & you know indeed that you’ll be wasting your time for much longer, but you tend to take people literally and not just blatantly lie to you. What happened to the good old days when people were considerate and would offer to call you back. - Harvey Staub
Most of us have experienced this situation. Someone says “Ooh !!!! I have to show you a picture !!!! While you stand there for 10 minutes, while they dig through 10,000 pictures, trying to find it. So annoying; & when they finally do find the picture, if they do, it definitely wasn’t worth the wait - Harvey Staub
"Life only seems to make sense when I am drinking, leading me to ask myself two questions, one, why, and, two, why am I not drinking more often?" - Carl R White
"Life only seems to make sense when I am drinking, leading me to ask myself two questions, one, why, and, two, why am I not drinking more often?" - Carl R White
Be careful of Ms. or Mr. Misery they love company but want nothing to do with friends. - Carolyn W Brown
"I don't know what anyone else thinks, but I can't help but compare Snoop Dogg as being the black version of Kid Rock!" - The Quoted Iris
The ad said "Take This Quiz To See If You Can Retire Comfortably." So I took the quiz in a bean bag chair. - John Alejandro King
For me, life is like a rainbow. I’m constantly searching for the end. - Meagan Graham
Those who are jealous of your happiness are happy to see you in trouble. - Srinivas Mishra
Some people will stop at nothing. As for me, I keep right on going to the negative integers. - John Alejandro King
Short + Funny Quotes ⇑
Short Quotes
You don't try a poor man's soup expecting spices, because you know it would lack - Pistis Balu
You're always excited to eat but you get full too soon - Pistis Balu
"Hello everyone. My name is Iris. My life has always been seen as one huge catastrophic order of French fries. I know I have a problem. I'm a CARBOHOLIC and I need help." - The Quoted Iris
"Why was the frankincense feeling stressed? Because it was constantly being burned." - Bioshifax
"Why did the frankincense go to therapy? It was feeling fragrant." - Bioshifax
"Why was the frankincense feeling self-conscious? Because it was always being compared to myrrh." - Bioshifax
"Why did the frankincense get a restraining order? Because the incense burner was stalking it." - Bioshifax
"Why was the frankincense feeling overwhelmed? Because it had too much scent-sibility." - Bioshifax
"Why did the frankincense go on a diet? Because it was feeling too scents-itive." - Bioshifax
"Why was the frankincense feeling bitter? Because it was always being used to make other things smell nice." - Bioshifax
"Why did the frankincense join a gym? Because it was feeling too scents-itive." - Bioshifax
"Why was the frankincense feeling lonely? Because it was always being burned alone." - Bioshifax
"Just discovered argan oil and I'm now convinced I'm a Moroccan princess trapped in a mundane life." - Bioshifax
"I tried using argan oil as a hair gel and let's just say my hair looks like it's ready to go on a desert adventure." - Bioshifax
"Argan oil for the skin? More like argan oil for the win!" - Bioshifax
Truth + Funny Quotes ⇑
Truth Quotes
Boxing is very funny, MOKO ! MOKO !! Men of pants without loops exchanging punches to win a belt. - Fn Shihepo
No one understands until the test becomes a lesson. - Fn Shihepo
The thinnest of filaments make for the brightest of lights and the best of fuses. The tiniest of atoms make for the biggest of explosions and the smallest of seeds make for the biggest of trees. - Sundaresh
I am my own best god and I am my own worst devil. I am my own best friend and I am my own worst enemy. - Sundaresh
Cuando se ha perdido un ser Amado los dias Festivos ,magnificaran el dolor de la perdida y solo su Ausencia sera tu prescencia. - Claudia
If people don't get time to see you, owe them, the path will become sandy. - Fn Shihepo
If you are leading a blind man and then a blind man decides to lead you, just follow and if there be a hole you will be safe. - Fn Shihepo
"Disengender Dis-en-gender (def.) The act of removing one's genitalia in a single,sexless environment" - The Quoted Iris
A friend once asked me what charities he should donate to if he won the lottery. I simply said he should just continue giving to the charities he is already supporting. Blank stare and crickets... - Arthur A Forman
You can put a rumor to bed, but you can't keep it from jumping up and down on the mattress. - John Alejandro King
I'm not bossy, I'm directive! - Fana Hoensbroech
Money that is not at your hand ,can only be spent on expensive things. - Gift Jofilisi
All Funny Quotes ⇑
She has Ponytail, She is Rideable, she drives me Crazy... So basically she's my Mare!- Afriad kamal
If a problem well stated is a problem half solved, state it well again!- John Alejandro King
Fortune favors the brave. They taste crunchier.- John Alejandro King
I am going to stand outside, if anyone asks tell them I am outstanding - Lisemelo Thakalekoala
If I had a name like ... .- -- ..- . .-.. / -- --- .-. ... . I'd probably invent Morse code too.- John Alejandro King
“According to studies, 55% of communication is nonverbal,” she kneed.- John Alejandro King
"I don't like cute girls I like cute woman"- AyasakiKirin
"My co-worker goes to the Doctor so often that they gave her a card and double points on every fifth x-ray."- The Quoted Iris
If the fastest way to the man’s heart is his stomach, the fastest way to the woman’s heart is through the sense of humor- Irfan Mamoun MD
If reference books aren't supposed to be checked out, how come they dress so slutty???- John Alejandro King
Your heart is strong to work until on your last day but it can't carry what a sensitive brain can carry.- Fn Shihepo
Another type of person on the hit parade of hideous humans, are the ones who think their shit don’t stink, have a separate nanny for each of their children and then wonder why they’re children are speaking with a Trinidad accent at age 5- Harvey Staub
"Who will be the Mystery Puppet Master in the White House next week?"- The Quoted Iris
I was all in on the Internet of Things, until I found out I was one of the things.- John Alejandro King
"Kackling Kamala; Hyena Hunter!"- The Quoted Iris
If you refrain from clicking on a 'test your IQ' ad, your IQ goes up by 15 points.- John Alejandro King
The men in my neighborhood couldn’t win a fight against their wives, let alone the Russians.- Harvey Staub
People like LOVE, in January and they are already sending out valentines' cards, I hope by the first of February we are already receiving planes.- Fn Shihepo
A weak person is not the one who fails assigned tasks, but the one who doesn't know what he/she is capable or incapable of!- Dr Callixte Yadufashije
Keep your eyes on the sky and the feet on the earth.- Er Aijaz
Mindjor mensinhu di un omi I pai sedu amadu pa un mindjer djiru- Ng g wa Thiong o
Time is just like a river. Once the water flows , You cannot touch the same water twice, because the water flow that has passed will never pass again. So , do not waste your time.- Er Aijaz
Time is just like a river. Once the water flows , You cannot touch the same water twice, because the water flow that has passed will never pass again. So , do not waste your time.- Er Aijaz
The truth starts with lies and ends with the truth that, it's true this person is lying.- Fn Shihepo
The truth starts with lies and ends with the truth that, it's true this person is lying.- Fn Shihepo
The truth starts with lies and ends with the truth that, it's true this person is lying.- Fn Shihepo
The truth starts with lies and ends with the truth that, it's true this person is lying.- Fn Shihepo
The truth starts with lies and ends with the truth that, it's true this person is lying.- Fn Shihepo
The truth starts with lies and ends with the truth that, it's true this person is lying.- Fn Shihepo
The truth starts with lies and ends with the truth that, it's true this person is lying.- Fn Shihepo
We studied the algorithm and found the only way to have real success online is to be a brand!- Petovick banks
Women need to get back under authority.- Joe Cervantes
You are either a brand or like most people, a common-dity. Don't be most people!- Petovick banks
If you never met me, you never met a good guy because I always charge people a hundred dollar for just meeting me.- Fn Shihepo
The question isn’t what the future holds. The question is why the future has to squeeze them so hard.- John Alejandro King
If you're backed by Trump you need to be dumped!- George O Smith
"I'm not saying unrefined red palm oil is the secret to happiness, but it's definitely a step in the right direction."- Bioshifax
"I guess it's time to embrace my inner African king and start using unrefined red palm oil in my foods."- Bioshifax
"I tried using argan oil as a cuticle oil and let's just say my nails are now as shiny as the Moroccan desert."- Bioshifax
"Why did the frankincense get a divorce? Because it and the incense burner were constantly burning out."- Bioshifax
"Why did the frankincense get a divorce? Because it and the incense burner were constantly burning out."- Bioshifax
Our photographs talks about the happy times, the moments we actually lived our life. So never miss capturing special moments of your life.- Summi
If love was a fish people would have brought them in plenty and cooped them in an aquarium.- Summi
May all married men give back difficult wives to their in laws as a Christmas gift.- Fn Shihepo
I did Logarithms still I can't login without a password.- Fn Shihepo
I need to improve my work-work balance.- John Alejandro King
Sometimes you need to let it go, if someone you care and love as a person or family didn't appreciate your true love. That's is life. Nothing is permanent in your life.- Tonny Prakash Patrick
Inspiration comes from within, motivation from without. Inspire yourself to motivate others.- Nathaniel S.T
Tomorrow are two days, let's practice shopping maturity.- Fn Shihepo
You were supposed to ask for a permission so that i can tell you not to do it.- Fn Shihepo
If it wasn't for coffee, the day would be filled with regrets.- Anthony T Hincks
An irony exists when you credit love to a debtor and though you are rich at heart,you become a liability if uncertainty persists :(- KRUTHIKA CHIDAMBARANATHAN
The devil's in the details? Quick! Cut and paste the details into an Excel spreadsheet, name it 'Variance Analysis: Q4 Budget vs. Actuals,' and make the devil disappear!- John Alejandro King
When all is said and done, at least we won’t have to hear this cliché anymore.- John Alejandro King
There are four pieces of cloth in this world. Religious cloth, non-religious cloth, sports cloth, and wedding cloth. All other clothes are inclined to deception.- Noutar Khalid
I drink three cups of tea daily. One for every mood and situation. Berries when I want to feel alive, Earl Grey against tiredness and a self-brewed cup of fine witchcraft tea when I need to calm down from you.- Lea Kardov
I don't understand the people who count every calorie they take in. Lunch is not a math lesson.- Lea Kardov
Means hypnotise the rich to think that death is only for poor people- Pistis Balu
I have a correct appetite these days but to wake up to the kitchen in the house of a Microwave is quite challenging.- Fn Shihepo
No leader can be successful without empathy and kindness.- Sibel Terhaar
The way my people are broke these days, you can even type your CV at ATM.- Fn Shihepo
I'm unemployable. So is the pope- Shlomo
Love is a slavery on which no one wants freedom from- Pistis Balu
Sparrow fly high but cannot build damn with tail of beaver- daren mac
To my people that i owed Mr Judas, please be patient this money is still hot.- Fn Shihepo
Science fact more stupendous than science fiction.- Sundaresh
Related Categories: Funny+Life, Funny+Love, Funny+Philosophy, Funny+Short, Funny+Truth, Funny+Wisdom, Funny+Witty,
