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David Schapiro (daveinla) Quotes & Sayings: Ownquotes.com
David Schapiro

David Schapiro

Gender:Male
Location:Los Angeles, United States Of America
Occupation:Writer
Experience on Earth:54 Years
Experience on OwnQuotes: 9 Years 1 Months
Short Bio: Television and Film Producer, Writer, and Drinker. I count Playmates, Pornstars and Party People as my friends. Living My Life In LA exactly as I want.

David Schapiro Quotes

1-50 of total 91 Quotes
WebMD : "Symptoms include unexplained weight loss." Me: "Oooh what disease is that?" WebMD : "Symptoms include unexplained weight loss." Me: "Oooh what disease is that?"..

Funny Goal Short Witty Wisdom

I will no longer read instruction manuals. From now on, Lin-Manuel Miranda must come and rap-splain I will no longer read instruction manuals. From now on, Lin-Manuel Miranda must come and rap-splain..

Short Truth Witty Wisdom

We are all connected. In a kumbaya kind of way, not a human centipede kind of way. We are all connected. In a kumbaya kind of way, not a human centipede kind of way...

Faith Funny Happiness Life Philosophy

Am I allowed to park in the handicap spot if I Am I allowed to park in the handicap spot if I'm tone deaf?..

Funny Short Truth Witty Wisdom

I know 100 ways to disarm a gunman. But 98 involve different forms of begging. I know 100 ways to disarm a gunman. But 98 involve different forms of begging...

Funny Short Truth War Witty

People who think money is the root of all evil haven People who think money is the root of all evil haven't tried radishes..

Funny Short Witty

People Think Money Evil
Every season has one name but Fall also gets Autumn? Get over yourself Fall. Every season has one name but Fall also gets Autumn? Get over yourself Fall...

Funny Nature Short Witty

Our medical industry is for profit. Our prisons are for profit. More and more "for profit" schools are popping up. Now that Citizens United decided
-David Schapiro

Life Philosophy Politics Truth Wisdom

People like less government regulation until it comes to the parachute they People like less government regulation until it comes to the parachute they're about to jump out of..

Philosophy Politics Short Witty Wisdom

Hyperbole is the best most amazing thing ever in history. Hyperbole is the best most amazing thing ever in history...

Creativity Funny Goal Short Witty

I know they say "actions speak louder than words" but if it were really true they would act it not I know they say "actions speak louder than words" but if it were really true they would act it not..

Funny Short Truth Witty Wisdom

Slept in on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Not lazy, just trying to honor ‪him by having more dreams. Slept in on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Not lazy, just trying to honor ‪him by having more dreams...

Funny Witty

That girl up at the bar is so annoying, I saw a guy go up to her drink and pull a ruffie OUT. That girl up at the bar is so annoying, I saw a guy go up to her drink and pull a ruffie OUT...

Funny Witty Wisdom

You know how they say "dance like nobody You know how they say "dance like nobody's watching"? Well you should dance like nobody's dancing...

Funny Truth Witty Wisdom

You know how they say "dance like nobody You know how they say "dance like nobody's watching"? Well you should dance like nobody's dancing...

Funny Short Truth Wisdom

They say "fame is a double-edged sword" like its a bad thing. But isn They say "fame is a double-edged sword" like its a bad thing. But isn't a double-edged sword..

Funny Life Short Truth Wisdom

Every addiction starts out looking like a step closer to freedom. Every addiction starts out looking like a step closer to freedom...

Change Desire Failure Freedom Sad

What What's my name? Call me Insomnia. Because you have no chance of sleeping with me...

Funny Short Witty Wisdom

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. I Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. I..

Funny Goal Philosophy Short Truth

I I've never actually seen a happy camper...

Funny Happiness Short Witty Wisdom

Friday is my second favorite F word. Because fudge. Friday is my second favorite F word. Because fudge...

Funny Short Truth Witty Wisdom

Actually you Actually you're a nightmare also dressed like a nightmare...

Funny Music Short Wisdom

Vine lasted for six seconds. Vine lasted for six seconds...

Friendship Sad War

Respect for those who follow their dreams, but I Respect for those who follow their dreams, but I'm going to give a speech naked in public because..

Death Desire Friendship Sad War

Everything that happens in life is positive if you take the right message from it. Everything that happens in life is positive if you take the right message from it...

Faith Imagination Nature Opportunity Peace

In theory, it should never be necessary to say to somebody "great minds think alike." In theory, it should never be necessary to say to somebody "great minds think alike."..

Friendship Sad Success Time War

Is dropping mustard gas in wartime considered overseasoning? Is dropping mustard gas in wartime considered overseasoning?..

Friendship Sad Truth War

My New York Times got stolen at the gym but I couldn My New York Times got stolen at the gym but I couldn't complain because they aren't responsible for..

Dreams Friendship Sad War

My teacher asked me why I failed my Euclidian Geometry test. I told her I didn My teacher asked me why I failed my Euclidian Geometry test. I told her I didn't see the point...

Dreams Friendship Sad War

I need to work out more just in case I get myself into a Lost-type situation. I need to work out more just in case I get myself into a Lost-type situation...

Friendship Sad Time War Witty

It was a shallow earthquake. It kept asking "does this shaking make me look fat?" It was a shallow earthquake. It kept asking "does this shaking make me look fat?"..

Anger Friendship Sad Success War

Damn objects in mirror. Why can Damn objects in mirror. Why can't you just be as close as you appear?..

Friendship Sad Success War

People are way to calm about remote controls for something that is the closest thing to magic we People are way to calm about remote controls for something that is the closest thing to magic we..

Education Friendship Sad War

I I'm concerned that my barber's customer before me entertained her more than I did...

Friendship Sad

If Dr. House had been a curmudgeonly genius air conditioning repairman instead, I don If Dr. House had been a curmudgeonly genius air conditioning repairman instead, I don't think..

Hope Sad Time War

Some people focus on the "carb" part and feel fat. I focus on the "hydrate" part and feel quenched. Some people focus on the "carb" part and feel fat. I focus on the "hydrate" part and feel quenched...

Business Friendship Funny Sad War

I like that autocorrect knows dtf, but please stop autocapitalizing it. Sometimes it I like that autocorrect knows dtf, but please stop autocapitalizing it. Sometimes it's not that big..

Freedom Friendship Loneliness Sad War

Do you think the band Filter gets upset when people hashtag #nofilter ? Do you think the band Filter gets upset when people hashtag #nofilter ?..

Friendship Marriage Peace Sad War

Invention: put QR codes and UPC symbols on graves and those memorials on corners so we can scan and Invention: put QR codes and UPC symbols on graves and those memorials on corners so we can scan and..

Creativity Friendship Hope Sad War

How is butterface an insult? The only thing better would be bacon breasts. How is butterface an insult? The only thing better would be bacon breasts...

Friendship Loneliness Sad Time War

Sexting ends once my phone Sexting ends once my phone's autocorrect tells you how bad I want to duck you. The mood is broken...

Friendship Sad War

Odd that # and @ were just sitting on typewriters with no real purpose until the internet. Can Odd that # and @ were just sitting on typewriters with no real purpose until the internet. Can't..

Friendship Heart Sad War

When I told you I was A-sexual I meant that When I told you I was A-sexual I meant that's my grade...

Anger Friendship Politics Sad War

I burned fourteen hundred calories by setting a box of Twinkies on fire. I think it still counts. I burned fourteen hundred calories by setting a box of Twinkies on fire. I think it still counts...

Friendship Funny Sad Sports War

How can you know for sure your doctor didn How can you know for sure your doctor didn't diagnose you with amnesia?..

Friendship Sad War Witty

The best diet for me is being too lazy to go out and get food if it isn The best diet for me is being too lazy to go out and get food if it isn't in my house...

Friendship Sad Sports War

Your heart is an organ. That Your heart is an organ. That's why it always gets played...

Loneliness Sad Sports Success War

It It's called a "spelling bee." I thought that was the only word I'd need to know how to spell.....

Courage Dreams Education Sad War

Is the moon full because he ate so many crescents? Is the moon full because he ate so many crescents?..

Friendship Sad Success War

People who wish it was like the old days forget about air conditioning. Also slavery. People who wish it was like the old days forget about air conditioning. Also slavery...

Heart Sad Time War Witty

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