I will no longer read instruction manuals. From now on, Lin-Manuel Miranda must come and rap-splain..
Short Truth Witty Wisdom
I know they say "actions speak louder than words" but if it were really true they would act it not..
Funny Short Truth Witty Wisdom
Slept in on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Not lazy, just trying to honor him by having more dreams...
Funny Witty
That girl up at the bar is so annoying, I saw a guy go up to her drink and pull a ruffie OUT...
Funny Witty Wisdom
You know how they say "dance like nobody's watching"? Well you should dance like nobody's dancing...
Funny Truth Witty Wisdom
You know how they say "dance like nobody's watching"? Well you should dance like nobody's dancing...
Funny Short Truth Wisdom
What's my name? Call me Insomnia. Because you have no chance of sleeping with me...
Funny Short Witty Wisdom
My New York Times got stolen at the gym but I couldn't complain because they aren't responsible for..
Dreams Friendship Sad War
My teacher asked me why I failed my Euclidian Geometry test. I told her I didn't see the point...
Dreams Friendship Sad War
People are way to calm about remote controls for something that is the closest thing to magic we..
Education Friendship Sad War
I'm concerned that my barber's customer before me entertained her more than I did...
Friendship Sad
If Dr. House had been a curmudgeonly genius air conditioning repairman instead, I don't think..
Hope Sad Time War
Sexting ends once my phone's autocorrect tells you how bad I want to duck you. The mood is broken...
Friendship Sad War
Odd that # and @ were just sitting on typewriters with no real purpose until the internet. Can't..
Friendship Heart Sad War
The best diet for me is being too lazy to go out and get food if it isn't in my house...
Friendship Sad Sports War
People who wish it was like the old days forget about air conditioning. Also slavery...
Heart Sad Time War Witty