Funny Quotes, Funny Picture Quotes & Quotations

Funny Quotes Pictures

some rules are too simple.. , but those are the rules to determined who we become.. ! Some rules are too simple.. , but those are the rules to determined who we become.. !..

Inspirational Relationship Short Success Truth

Most of us never grow up, but our age does. Most of us never grow up, but our age does...

Age Short Witty

Grow Age
Time babbles in a freaky way on Sundays ! Time babbles in a freaky way on Sundays !..

Inspirational Time Truth Wisdom

Grow Age
This is where our life greatness begins from.. ! This is where our life greatness begins from.. !..

Inspirational Life Love Philosophy Relationship

Grow Age
' Some bonds, whether they be human, animal, or bird, have an intimacy, and if situation comes to..

Heart Inspirational Life Love Philosophy

Grow Age
You pretented to be my friend for long but since I realised your aim was to dump my respects you You pretented to be my friend for long but since I realised your aim was to dump my respects you..


Grow Age
Some ingredients of truth with pure lie makes the perfect lie Some ingredients of truth with pure lie makes the perfect lie..

Philosophy Short Truth One liners lie

Truth Lie
I went to Catholic school. Every Summer our vacation was a Guilt Trip. I went to Catholic school. Every Summer our vacation was a Guilt Trip...

Short Truth

Truth Lie
Since misery loves company, simply let it find its company somewhere else. Since misery loves company, simply let it find its company somewhere else...

Philosophy Truth

Many people dream of doing the impossible and they aren Many people dream of doing the impossible and they aren't even doing the possible...

Inspirational Short Success Truth Wisdom

People Dream Impossible Possible
Judiciary itself is a trial.. Judiciary itself is a trial....


People Dream Impossible Possible
Do NOT trust a FAT Dietitian! Do NOT trust a FAT Dietitian!..

Truth One liners

If your outerwear is dignity, make sure your underwear is integrity! If your outerwear is dignity, make sure your underwear is integrity!..


When kids are born, they are blessings, as they grow up they gradually becomes lessons When kids are born, they are blessings, as they grow up they gradually becomes lessons..

Wisdom children

Born Grow
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say 'I understand your pain. it's gonna be okay' have..

Life Love Relationship falling in love

Want Pain Understand
Without you I can Without you I can't Breathe, I love you so much, 'My Nose'..

Love Short

Some songs will be better with changes in their words, music and the singer. Some songs will be better with changes in their words, music and the singer...

Change Music Witty One liners

Be good! But, if you can Be good! But, if you can't be, at least don't get caught...


Always put your coat on before answering your front door. If you like your visitor tell them you Always put your coat on before answering your front door. If you like your visitor tell them you..

Inspirational Life Success Wisdom

Do not Do not 'Aprilify' my foolishness, nor 'Augustinize' my temper...

Short Time Witty

They say that luck knocks at least once in life, hence, if luck hasn They say that luck knocks at least once in life, hence, if luck hasn't yet knocked your door, then..

Inspirational Life Opportunity Witty perspective

Life Door
We only have a scapegoat nothing like scapelion; Do you understand? We only have a scapegoat nothing like scapelion; Do you understand?..

Life Philosophy Truth Wisdom

An optimist is an under-beaten pessimist. An optimist is an under-beaten pessimist...

Life Optimism Philosophy Wisdom

Don Don't call your child 'idiot', he may be well informed about genetic heredity...

Age Family Science Witty

Call Child

Top 10 Funny Quotes

All that glitters is the root of all evil.- Raymond Richard ReepA stitch in time saves a wardrobe malfunction.- Raymond Richard ReepMuseums are a thing of the past- Raymond Richard ReepAge is just a number. Yes it is, a number of wrinkles and grey hair- sharonkempLet your spirit carry happiness so that you can clothe your tongue with words that may build, heal and refresh other people's lives - MasegoMy computer is SO OLD, it has Windows B.C.!- The Quoted IrisChange the world when you are single; because once your are married you can't even change the T. V cable.- Lukesh BammaDevil is in the detail, everywhere else there is leadership rhetoric!- Bijoy PananghatPeace is a war without killing. ‎- mohdmustafa99Happiness is a drug, .. get addicted.- Christopher Gite

Life + Funny Quotes

Life Quotes I hate myself because I hate selfish people. - AB BabyRegained childhood is the last stage of perfection. - Lokesh giriDid you say life is unfair? I never heard it promising anybody anything. what do you expect? - Lokesh giriIf there is an after life, I don't really care at the moment I'm still living this one. - Jack BrownIts better to be alone than to be left alone - Bipin Kumar G JIf time is money, and everything takes time, is it fair to say that 'Everything takes money' ? - James J. HarrisWhen Life Throws You Melons.. Make Melonade! - SvenWhether or not you have glasses or contacts, your hindsight will always be 20-20. - alecThere is only one good thing about being the last, you don't have to look back, no one can chase you. - Austris VansovicsIf you are taking life seriously you are not wise yet - Lokesh giriLive is not a game it's a nightmare - kolwer perezAll our life, we are taught to be supportive of others, but are the others also taught the same thing? - OmerJawedIf you are as crazy as me, then were are both sane - Daniel BergThe person you lay next to night after night, should not be your opponent fight after fight. - Rob GiesbrechtThere comes a time in everyone's lives where they get the spotlight. I demand that Now is my time - Jovanna EstradaIf we wait until retirement to enjoy ourselves, there may not be enough of ourselves to enjoy it. - Mike HammarMy life is a damn big joke.. because people in it laugh a lot ! :D - VIBHOR DEMTAA generalist lives longer than a specialist - Dr N Sai Bhaskar ReddyIt takes effort to simplify life, complicating it takes no effort at all, for it's already complicated - Lokesh giriTalking shit and taking one are two very similar acts. Both feel great coming out, but can be horribly messy to clean up if not done carefully. - Craig Taylor NelsonThere are three types of people in this world; Problem seekers, Problem Solvers and Problem 'see you later'. - El Haji NeroLife is not a joke. Its a comedy serial. - Gyan SaxenaI am not afraid of ghosts now because I have realized that people nowadays are scarier than ghosts. - vikrantHonesty is a virtue dishonesty is an art - Victor CourageIf you rest your chin on your hand when you think, it will help you keep your mouth shut. - vikrantA man who dresses in others' clothes will be undressed on the highway. - vikrantOut of all the things that has been running away in life, it's my mind that I cannot escape from. - Dana Jo GraslieThe deaf are more tolerable than bad listeners. - mohdmustafa99Most people in New York suffer from insomnia because they live in a city that never sleeps. - Samuel E. VillegasThe two meanings of the word DOZEN are: To women it means Eggs To men it means BEER. - Samuel E. VillegasIn the past people lived better because they didn't have to pay for all the things that we pay today in order to live better. - Samuel E. VillegasWhen fools try to fool others, they actually manifest how foolish they are. - Suyog PotdarYou will be dating a WOMAN for years and a Man from No Where will come and MARRY - Babi ShakesA man.. got a heart attack.. in hospital.. and the nurses shout.. call an ambulance.. - Babi ShakesNo blame on men who disregard equality of genders if they believe that women are superior. - mohdmustafa99Sanity is immeasurable; insanity is. ‎ - mohdmustafa99Music will either inspire or discourage depending on the volume. - Joe CervantesLove isn't suppose to be like ready mix cement which drys up quickly and then hardens. - Joe CervantesDon't wait for doors to open, just burst right through them. - joey the poetI didn't invent the wheel, I just roll with it. - Michael CrowleyLife- it teaches you 2+2 and then assigns x+4=5, find x. - AlabiOne must always have defeatable enemies to enjoy victories.. - mohdmustafa99Two chances must not be missed for having tranquility: a party to be absent , and a meeting to reject participating. - mohdmustafa99The egoist expenses 50 percent of love to oneself, and keeps the remainder as an emergency account. - mohdmustafa99An optimist is an under-beaten pessimist. - RomeoWe only have a scapegoat nothing like scapelion; Do you understand? - Kayode Seyi TayoIgnorance is darkness of both night and daytime. - mohdmustafa99A non-smoker does nothing when s/he is doing nothing. - mohdmustafa99Even women's movements didn't call for increase of women's presentation in men's hearts. - mohdmustafa99Fools can hardly make a minority, but can easily make a majority. - mohdmustafa99Never give false information about yourself to your doctor; otherwise s/he will prescribe you another patient's medicines. - mohdmustafa99Any disease has its drug to the extent that we don't know what a tail of a mouse cures. - mohdmustafa99A male bachelor is the person who has a woman living like him away without a spouse. - mohdmustafa99Don't worry if you look like a monkey. Monkeys have no problem with their look. - mohdmustafa99Eat to live or live to eat , but don't take my meal. - mohdmustafa99Life is so exciting! It's like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone! - The Quoted IrisWhen it's out of hand hope it doesn't get to head - Ikulabi Anikulapo IkuforijiThe number of life preservers in any ship is always less than the number of passengers. I wonder Why. - mohdmustafa99People say tough times test us, it might be true; but tough people test us all the time :) - Lokesh giriYou are not famous if you get upset by someone who knows you without knowing him. - mohdmustafa99Mr. President ! We, the protesters, are not mobilized by foreign powers. We don't eat bread for foreign interests. - mohdmustafa99A shy child puts his/her fingers in his/her mouth, but s/he must put them in his/her ears so as not to hear what we, adults, speak awkwardly. - mohdmustafa99Valentines is for artists, deejays and revelers. The rest wait for martyrs day - Mr vybs liveMake her laugh and quickly ask her number before she remembers that you are ugly. - Mr vybs liveI once watched a Nigerian movie where a rich man's driver has his own personal driver - Mr vybs liveA girl who really loves you won't find it hard to pay her own dowry - Mr vybs liveParents who smoke weed are the ones producing herbal doctors. I think.. - Mr vybs liveManchester United signed Wenger and named him Mourinho - Mr vybs liveThe reason why I don't want to go back to the village is because I have that grandma who gives me hugs calling me her husband - Mr vybs liveLiars are very important for our life. Without them, we cannot know the credible ones. - mohdmustafa99It is unfair to calculate the percentage of insane ones; otherwise the remainder will think that they are sane. - mohdmustafa99If you want to know the distance between 'yes' and 'no', ask a child. - The Quoted IrisRoutine puts all its sentences in continuous present. - mohdmustafa99Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say 'I understand your pain. it's gonna be okay' have this 5 million shillings - Mr vybs liveUntil you watch porn with your parents never come here and tell us that anything is possible - Mhlongo Ndumiso JuliusIf it didn't take men to make babies, I wouldn't have anything to do with any of them - The Quoted IrisWe are in society of underrated truth and overrated lie.. - success songMoney is a matter of chase. Not having it, makes you chaser. Having it , makes you chased - mohdmustafa99Jesus loved the little children; but he never had any. - Michelle CaldwellSpending your time with the mirror doesn't make you know who you are. - DUBA ABEL BITRUSIf you think you matter, then yes darling you are just a matter.. - RVD RichiWater is nature's cure all. Need to lose weight? Drink water. Complexion problems? Keep that skin hydrated. Drink water. Tired of your spouse? Drown him/ her. - The Quoted IrisWhy do you say, 'Zombies are brain dead, dysfunctional, and have no place in society?' When, Zombies use more of your brain than you do. - Mac McGovernEveryone hurries to their graves. - RomeoA problem delayed is a problem solved. - Derrick Merrill SmithThinking there is such thing as 'an end to suffering' seems like an adult fairy tale to me. - Konchok DhondupI have finally come to realize what life is: NONSENSE. - Konchok DhondupWelcome to a new week, the first comer is in a new dress, the second comer is having a new hairstyle and the rest are legends. - Fn ShihepoMany people think they finished school, but school actually finished them - Pistis Balu

Short + Funny Quotes

Short Quotes Imperfection annoys the imperfect - Lokesh giriThey say time and tide wait for nun! but I ask why discrimination? - Lokesh giriThe word 'ME' hurts me as well as others. - rakeshSound minds never make much sound outside. - Lokesh giriTo err is human, to forget it is inhuman - Lokesh giriTo err is human, to forgive self is not divine - Lokesh giriPeople say 'words make a difference'. But I say 'spelling in the words make the difference'. - rakeshbabu'Now' is the good time to do almost anything. - Lokesh giriIt doesn't matter if you are handsome, When you have 'handy sum'. - Lokesh giriIt's really easy to be in someone else's shoes if they fit, of course unless they stink. - Lokesh giriMany are slaves of their own weaknesses, some are even of others' weaknesses :) - Lokesh giriSince it's not the best guy who always wins, you too can try - Lokesh giriWhen you feel like rats are running inside your stomach, trust me.. Rat poison is not a good idea. - Lokesh giriIf silence speaks in volume, I possess many a unpublished book within. - Spirit RocIt takes a cat nine lives to get screwed altogether - bornagainTalk less if you want to communicate more - Lokesh giriThough poverty is the worst curse it has something to teach, 'get out of it'. - Lisa RoyThose who blow their own trumpets often end up hoarse - Patricia SchwitzerDear Forever, I'm sorry you didn't last.. - Daleen IrshaidThe only thing that one does not know, is the only thing that one does not know - Brayne MatshotshiNever leave a bathroom without an idea - Edmond H SweidyA little craziness goes a long way. - Victor CourageFood has its own story and it's hauntingly delicious! - Gladys GallentesMy idea of a wild Friday night is buying a bottle of wine and not sharing it. - Dana Jo GraslieToday's single women rather live without a man than without a cell phone. - Samuel E. VillegasMost people in New York suffer from insomnia because they live in a city that never sleeps. - Samuel E. VillegasAn apple a day keeps the doctor away. And a garlic a day keeps everybody away. - Samuel E. VillegasSome says food is medicine. But for some medicine is food. - Kowsalapathy SaravananCount your secrets before they hatch. - mohdmustafa99Life is like a potato, it's not a tomato - Juan FonsecaSome people are good at throwing others under the bus. - joey the poetGot really excited when my dentist told me that I was going to get a crown. - joey the poetPeople who think money is the root of all evil haven't tried radishes - David SchapiroMuseums are a thing of the past - Raymond Richard ReepA museum is a thing of the past - Raymond Richard ReepA fool and his money are a girl's best friend. - Raymond Richard ReepA stitch in time saves a wardrobe malfunction. - Raymond Richard ReepAll that glitters is the root of all evil. - Raymond Richard ReepA bird in the hand is probably not alive. - Raymond Richard ReepNever serve who doesn't serve oneself; never serve who can serve oneself. - mohdmustafa99If children annoy each other, the won't annoy us. - mohdmustafa99Donors want to be droplets, and they want you to hold your umbrella. - mohdmustafa99The Mailman's Creed should be changed to 'We deliver whenever we feel like it. - The Quoted IrisHonesty has nothing bad except it makes you poor. - mohdmustafa99A job without work is worse than work without a job. - mohdmustafa99Dear, don't be like a bear, otherwise I can't bear. - Samir valviEmploy graduates before they forget information of their specialties. - mohdmustafa99Do not 'Aprilify' my foolishness, nor 'Augustinize' my temper. - mohdmustafa99Truth is always painful unless you accept it. - Kowsalapathy SaravananI couldn't do what I can , let me try what I can't. - mohdmustafa99Judgmental people are mental people! - Shweta FernandesA nightmare is better than snoring because the first upsets you alone and the latter upsets others. - mohdmustafa99Yea, you are crazy; just like everyone. - mohdmustafa99Regimen is to open your refrigerator, and to close it again without taking anything from.. - mohdmustafa99Any man should be able to afford to pay for his own lawyer; and, his own teeth. - The Quoted IrisA corrupt is a magician who can steal money without seeing it at the time of theft. - mohdmustafa99Corruption makes offices like prisons ; places of offenders. - mohdmustafa99A dog doesn't wish to be a human as it barks at us disdaining our humanity. - mohdmustafa99A police officer looks at you thrice sharply if you look at him just the once cautiously. - mohdmustafa99Not all carpenters have their doors broken. - mohdmustafa99Women must do a lot until gender equity becomes a male demand. - mohdmustafa99A lot of smokers started smoking just after they got free lighters. - mohdmustafa99I have never started a clash, and I have never lost out any - mohdmustafa99Blame yourself , others are too busy to do you this favor. - mohdmustafa99Valentines is for cute portable girls. The rest belong to fools day - Mr vybs liveIt is great to be serious but not too serious - mohdmustafa99Cotton is not enough to escape roar coming into your ears. - mohdmustafa99You see doctors to have good health, therefore see consultants to have good decisions. - mohdmustafa99I only smoke when I'm on fire, very painful, don't recommend it. - David L. RoseNot all Hamlets are Danish. Not all Danish are Hamlets. - mohdmustafa99Whoever utilizes his or her naughtiness is developing to be naughtier. - mohdmustafa99Save Coy. It's in danger. - mohdmustafa99The prideful suck up more air than others. - Joe CervantesThe only golden rule is that all women adore gold. - mohdmustafa99A heir is lucky, but the testator was luckier. - mohdmustafa99Most people are not famous because they are not good enough nor too bad. - mohdmustafa99I don't know which is wrong: my society or theories of sociology - mohdmustafa99I wish bashfulness is a communicable disease - mohdmustafa99What a difficult charge; to forget what you want to forget - mohdmustafa99Great nations want to keep us laughter, to keep having something to laugh at. - mohdmustafa99Bad words near your lips are flies to oust away. - mohdmustafa99You'll ignore a lot of things when you do away with ignorance. - mohdmustafa99Any 'famous' one I don't know is not famous. - mohdmustafa99To condemn everybody is to condemn nobody - mohdmustafa99Be careful of temporary decisions, they can delay you forever. - Sipho P NkosiNever say 'Lid' in a drugstore! - The Quoted IrisI went to Catholic school. Every Summer our vacation was a Guilt Trip. - The Quoted IrisDon't be a fool just act dumb - Takunda Musingwini

Inspirational + Funny Quotes

Inspirational Quotes Nothing is too big to be impossible, let's assume so. - Lokesh giriPeople who are in love with the sound of their voice eventually find they have a small audience. - Donald Lynn FrostNot even a single possible thing is impossible - Lokesh giriIf I were your lighthouse we'd be awaken by the sounds of ships crashing against the shore. - Brandon KellumPrattling is amusing, but silence does this better. - mohdmustafa99They say that luck knocks at least once in life, hence, if luck hasn't yet knocked your door, then you will be the next lucky person. - mohdmustafa99Always put your coat on before answering your front door. If you like your visitor tell them you are just in. If you don't like them tell them you are just leaving - Eliza KeatingChastity doesn't distort glamour of a lady. - mohdmustafa99When facing a problem in life that you think is complicated apply the logic that we use with fractions.. reduce it down to its common denominator. Once simplified it is much easier to determine how to solve it.. so why not simplify our lives & not damn ourselves to living only a fraction of it? - Candi Taylor Jeter Ed SThere must be no sheaths for minds , simply because they don't function like swords. - mohdmustafa99If you didn't get 100% in primary school, the only place you will see 100% again is when your phone is fully charged - Mr vybs liveI don't play golf for second place, I either win or gain experience - Lyle Roche PedroNever pet a burning dog! - David L. RoseFinally, a cause worth kneeling for.. - THIGHBRUSHGoing through your man's phone is like peeling an onion. There are multiple layers to it, and the more you peel them back, the more likely you are going to start crying at inappropriate times. - Mhlongo Ndumiso JuliusMake humanity your attribute to make yourself a multi-attribute person. - mohdmustafa99Life gave me Lemons, I gave it juice. - Joseph NwakushabeniIf you really want to fall in love with the most promising person then fall in love with yourself and experience it. - swati somalWho wants balls of steel when you can have them in gold? - QuagganQuoter69You should know things to know you do not know things because if you do not know things you will never know if you do not know things. - ameya agrawalI can sit with you for hours without speaking a word and still not get bored. - ameya agrawalIntelligence is inversely proportional (contrary) to tongue, more the intelligence, less you speak and less the intelligence, more you speak. - Muhammad Shahid IqbalMany people dream of doing the impossible and they aren't even doing the possible. - Kevin B JohnstonWe have a Choice: Either to be a Sweeper or a Seeker. The Sweeper just sweeps the material possessions off the Earth, but the Seeker seeks God. - AiR Atman in RaviYou really have to start before you start. - Uche Onyinyechi RichardBe different not weird - Suraj Bhaskar GholapYour mind can be your worst enemy. Control and train it wisely. - asokhaChoose your friends and life wisely. It may build up or pull you down gently. - asokhaSome rules are too simple.. , but those are the rules to determined who we become.. ! - William SebunjeThis is where our life greatness begins from.. ! - William SebunjeGOD does not care about the color of your skin or what job you do, he cares about your heart. So do I! - Sibel TerhaarYou should not wait for better days to come; they are already here. Life is all about attitude, remember that! - Sibel TerhaarThe world makes sense to a truly sensible person and a sensible person can see sense even in nonsense, and can make sense even out of nonsense. - SundareshThe world makes no sense to a non sensical person and a non sensical person can only see nonsense in sense and can only make nonsense out of sense. - SundareshIf you don't work hard like them, you will be calling them; illuminati and cartels. - Joshua MuasaHaving talent is good but having talent to utilize the talent is real talent! - Rajesh KewatTime babbles in a freaky way on Sundays ! - Vivek Sahney

Love + Funny Quotes

Love Quotes Why just love your neighbors? Love their neighbors too. - Lokesh giriArranged marriage is murder, love marriage is suicide, ultimately marriage is death. - Lokesh giriLove is a heaven, but it can hurt you like hell - Prince Sunil RajWomen fall in love through their ears, and what about men? men! they just need to know you are available. - Lisa RoyLove is like a rain it will come and go - kubhendraA man can invent a time machine while a woman is getting ready to go out for the night - diya ahmed azzonyLOVE= A four letter lie - Rachelle CrandellLOVE: celebration of the absence of the other type of chromosome [of course this doesn't explain homosexuality] - Lokesh giriWhoever came up with the saying 'money cannot buy love' was so broke, in that he just didn't know where it was sold.. - Brayne MatshotshiToday, you know that a girl doesn't like you, when she sees you coming and puts a cell phone on her ear. - Samuel E. VillegasWhere there are love birds there are bird watchers. - Joe CervantesNothing can affect me more than his affection : ) - shivangi lavaniyaMy wife is beautiful, intelligent and kind. Her only flaw is that she is real :) - Lokesh giriMoney can buy love. Every time I go shopping I buy things I love. - mohdmustafa99First love is a good training opportunity to process the second serenely. - mohdmustafa99Without you I can't Breathe, I love you so much, 'My Nose' - Rina 23The moon is not important as it was because of the Gregorian calendar, electricity, aeronautics, satellites and disappearance of romantic love. - mohdmustafa99Nothing breaks my heart like my neighbor who has an ugly daughter and keeps calling me in-law - Mr vybs liveLadies in a relationship should stop posting their beautiful pictures, why advertise goods that are no longer in stock! - Mr vybs liveI propose a toast to the Daily roast amongst the humorous inhabitants from coast to coast. - Raul PompeIf it tickles thighs, it flies! - THIGHBRUSHGood whispering or gossip requires either a conspiracy or love affairs - mohdmustafa99Marriage is one way to free oneself from love - mohdmustafa99Why should I love you ? I want to love you without 'should' - mohdmustafa99I was among the crowd like the beautiful Black Beauty but she preferred the Zebra. - Joe Cervantes

Philosophy + Funny Quotes

Philosophy Quotes There are as many worlds as there are people, with somethings in common of course. - william anneNo matter how you look, you always face consequences - Farhad DastoorEveryone is a little insane, but without a little insanity who in their right mind would have thought of putting peanut butter INSIDE the chocolate. - Aaron RussoEven the wise learn from fool's words, it's only a foolish that joke with wise words.. - Kayode Seyi TayoI used to be a genius but I gave it up for a higher paid job. - Victor CourageNothing resembles postmodernism like pre-modernism. - mohdmustafa99A lawyer reads between the lines of laws as such what is in between is the law itself. - mohdmustafa99Secure your box, think out of circle.. - Ikulabi Anikulapo IkuforijiThe middle is the best position with the exception of holding a stick - mohdmustafa99These days instead of telling the police that robbers are robbing your house.. just tell them that criminals are dragging out bags of money. My friend the police will be there in less than 2 minutes. - Mr vybs liveConscience will make it hard for you to tell a lie, at the same time makes it simple for you to say the truth.. - success songSince misery loves company, simply let it find its company somewhere else. - Brenda Lee SandersThe best mode of transportation is your own two feet. - Brenda Lee SandersSome ingredients of truth with pure lie makes the perfect lie - Suraj Bhaskar GholapBefore resolving conflicts with violence, if possible, warm up and stretch. - Mario González

Age + Funny Quotes

Age Quotes Most of us never grow up, but our age does. - Lokesh giriWomen hide their age through make up. Men try to hide their age by marrying women who look young - bornagainI hate teenagers who are 40 years old. - mohdmustafa99Old people always poke me at weddings, saying you are next. so I started doing it at funerals.. , what is life without a draw game.. its better to draw than lose. - Richard ofem inahAge is just a number. Yes it is, a number of wrinkles and grey hair - sharonkempDon't call your child 'idiot', he may be well informed about genetic heredity. - mohdmustafa99A court that sentences him life imprisonment thinks that people live all their lives. - mohdmustafa99I'm not young enough to know what I mustn't know. - mohdmustafa99I can't hide my age because it is very difficult to behave now as I behaved when I was younger - mohdmustafa99Every year that passes by makes me feel older and older again. It will only cease with death. - The Quoted Iris'Yippee! Next year (2020) will be the 36th Anniversary of my 21st Birthday! - The Quoted Iris

Politics + Funny Quotes

Politics Quotes Politicians are people who are voted to an important office that involves nothing but piontless arguments because they have no use in any other part of society. - Jack BrownTaxation is a charming word for extortion. - R E SpencerPeople in this country are divided into two groups: the old opposition and the new. - mohdmustafa99They said that he might be a terrorist because he conducted like a non-terrorist tourist. - mohdmustafa99Theory of conspiracy in practice is to burn up the American flag when a Russian air raid attacks your town. - mohdmustafa99Hypocrisy , sometimes, is more efficient than qualifications to be among those around the president. - mohdmustafa99Riots are policemen when they are hurried up to fight a peaceful gathering. - mohdmustafa99All members of the British Parliament have fluent English unless they speak about Brexit. - mohdmustafa99News is always good because it tells who is worse than us - mohdmustafa99Women get involved in politics when they discover that men are not fit for it. - mohdmustafa99You can be neutral , but to be a pro-neutral is not neutrality. - mohdmustafa99

All Funny Quotes

I wake up early to appreciate the beauty of the world before all the A**holes wake up and spoil it.- Karl McLean If the only thing you have to throw away your problems with is a boomerang, just make sure when they come around again, you duck.- Jessalyn RoussinTripoli, the capital of Libya is where you are obliged to spend half of your income, without being obliged to save the other half.- mohdmustafa99Some people stop lying only when they are asleep. Advanced liars even lie in their dreams- Edmond H SweidyBite the hand of any government that it feeds you propaganda.- mohdmustafa99It's totally like dating a mermaid ; they need to be dry to have legs, then you can't make them WET or they will have the fish tail back on.. No point!- Toufic Z. HamzehI'm a doormat, but I'm the first to welcome you.- NtameniWhy give up if life takes no hostages?- Javier de WindtI don't know, where do I find the courage, to be such a coward!- Lipjan HaliliWise men treat everyone equally, so do foolish people. It's everyone else who is confused- Lokesh giriPictures tell a thousand lies, and people tell a thousand more..- Caroline HuamaniIf you won't embrace your curves.. can I?- Charles E LyleThe only good thing lawyers and doctors give to their clients is a discharge- Mohd Ustar Abdul GhaniWhen you keep failing in your biggest dream it must be time for you to wake up.- Hunter JamesA pessimist is a person who looks both ways before crossing a one way road.- Darab ImteyazBeing resourceful is a gift. It allows the mind to utilize various avenues to travel to one's own conclusion.- CornisheeJBruceI want to think outside the box because it's crowded in there..- Paul PeshkovDreaming is just life with your eyes closed.- Carmen MakinsonKids, Here is an advice you must listen to in order to keep happiness : Don't grow up!- Daleen IrshaidWhy is it that, a person's imperfections tend to disappear when they have money?- Lesibana MakgaiEveryone is searching for the key to success. You already have it. Finding the right door, the one that opens is upon Yourself - Benni FisoNothing you do is wrong.. until you get caught- Sarad S DhungelNever make the same mistake twice, no matter how tempting it may be- Gabby RamosGod created texting so that parents can communicate with their children.- Vicky RobinsonDeath is just nature's way of making room for birth.- christine sharlandSometimes I wish I can hang a 'DO NOT DISTURB' sign on my forehead.- Lisa OrtizFor opportunities to fall into your lap, you first have to be sitting down.- Kerron HughesWhen god gave women more threshold of pain he also made sure they get more pain too.- Lokesh giriWhen god gets lazy he lets some of us write our own future, and that's the best work he ever did- 'doing nothing'- Lokesh giriWhy do people bother so much about dying, when they have so many other things to do while alive?- Bipin Kumar G JWe hate our own bad qualities than anybody else's but only when seen in somebody else.- Lokesh giriWhen the cat and god are at play together, God is as work.- Jeffrey DeMannI wonder why people are so specific on a general store- Shekhar BhatiIf life don't teach you how to make money teach life how to do a business- success songWhen you steal from a thief, you can bet they will never call the cops.- The Quoted IrisYou need to use all your heads to understand your single heart.- mohdmustafa99An opportunity makes a thief; lack of opportunities makes the honest ones.- mohdmustafa99I don't wish death for my enemy , but I wish my enemy be against my wishes.- mohdmustafa99Love doesn't only play with hearts but also with adrenal glands- mohdmustafa99A Heavy smoker can give up smoking by not lighting a cigarette between a cigarette and a cigarette.- mohdmustafa99My original dream as a child was to become an astronaut; then I remembered my people and I became a physician.- Terron HostenA divorced woman knows much about marriage though she failed it- mohdmustafa99To know how old or young you currently are, check new photos of those you went to school with!- Meshack SeweJust pick the lock, if key of success is not available.- NaGa RaJ DThey say that money does not bring happiness, but I prefer to mourn sitting inside a vault of Swiss bank.- Marcelo CahuenasNever work like a mosquito; you'll be hit deadly.- mohdmustafa99Scientists project to populate near planets by humans , but I think it's more exciting to let extraterrestrials dwell the earth with us.- mohdmustafa99O! pretty lady, it is my honor to have my heart being broken by you; only you.- mohdmustafa99Human cloning is a very complicated scientific process to give birth to illegitimate children.- mohdmustafa99Straws are for suckers.- Bradford Harry NeviusLying against the truth is like believing an ant to win a battle with an elephant..- Ikulabi Anikulapo IkuforijiEnvy is nonexchangeable because those envious towards you have nothing to make you envious towards them- mohdmustafa99Internet decreases popularity of cinema, theater, library , newspapers, TV, radio, postal mail, and it will decrease later the popularity of the internet.- mohdmustafa99A suicide committer is a crazy one who doesn't want to enjoy his or her craziness.- mohdmustafa99Dreams are reality of that who oversleeps.- mohdmustafa99Our children are like kings of the ancient times; they like to write their names on walls.- mohdmustafa99If the heart speaks it will say to the tongue , 'You are a liar'- mohdmustafa99We hate money, particularly the very little of it..- mohdmustafa99Anything that cannot bend is susceptible to smashing.- mohdmustafa99I have to drink a lot of water before bed because I don't have an alarm clock.- mohdmustafa99Beware! Some use their smile to kill you! Others kill you without a smile!- Meshack SeweIf you have nothing to say, don't say it! Say something!- Meshack SeweDon't do Incredible things, Do the things which gives you credibility.- Ravi shekarIt seems that almost every time I try to fill the void in my life, I choose that which - is only temporary- Cole FordGreat customer service is as universal as love, Everyone wants it, and everyone knows when they are not getting it- Mike B PiazzaMany people do not go to church because they fear empty ‎places. ‎- mohdmustafa99The Devil saw the church sign which read, 'come as you are' and he was the first in line.- Joe CervantesOn one side, we can call ourselves as leaders because we all lead our own lives :)- KRUTHIKA CHIDAMBARANATHANWriting is my hobby, 'not to write' is my business.- mohdmustafa99It makes no difference to follow Satan or to make him follow you. ‎- mohdmustafa99In the modern world, you die from indigestion and not from hunger- Sandeep AggarwalMy heart is on a mission to love you and I'm just following the order from upstairs!- Joe CervantesThere has to be a woman behind every man who becomes successful.- Joe CervantesChristmas comes in winter because it wants us to be well demure.- mohdmustafa99Comedy in Guatemala lost a lot. One of the comedians there has been elected a president.- mohdmustafa99Everyone is scared of death. Everyone says they're going to heaven. Then what are they scared of?- Amles ZnovhIf you try your very best to succeed at something and fail, at least you tried. If you try your very best to fail at something and succeed, something's not right.- Bre An RiversWe are the factorys of shit- harish vashdevThese THREE FEMALES saw me.. and they NECK BROKE from going into a 360.. the ambulance had to come, I'm DANGEROUS..- Babi ShakesAmerica's favorite colors are: RED, WHITE and BREW.- Samuel E. VillegasYears ago, by carrying too much money with you, you could be assaulted. But today, by carrying too much money with you, you could get arrested.- Samuel E. VillegasThe only difference between the ancient Roman circus and today's Super Bowls is : THE COMMERCIALS.- Samuel E. VillegasWorking for 5 years can either mean you have five years of experience or one year of experience repeated five times- Sarad S DhungelTo a wise man, the only fear of becoming wiser is the fear of being referred to as a mad man- Stanley Kelechi OnwuemeneAn insane one, as well as the thinker, speaks silently with others , and loudly to oneself.- mohdmustafa99That who has the pen to write never blacklists his name.- mohdmustafa99I don't agree with Sigmund Freud. This is why I didn't read any of his books.- mohdmustafa99The peacock is not colored by Darwin.- mohdmustafa99Matrimony has two main divisions: the culinary , and the contradictory.- mohdmustafa99 I've always made an offer which the girls have never refused. - Arvinder SinghLet your ideas be the measure of your intelligence and not your remembrance of a textbook.- Chasare AllenProfessionally, Good news is bad news.- mohdmustafa99It is easier to be a great leader than to dream of being ruled by a great leader.- mohdmustafa99Geography produces stuff, economics buys, Chemistry cooks, mathematics adds ingredients , physics prepares the table, biology eats , and medicine cleans.- mohdmustafa99If you don't have anything to do , do anything.- mohdmustafa99There are two types of technologies : One makes our life very easy such as very fast vehicles ; and the other makes it very dangerous such as very fast vehicles.- mohdmustafa99God certainly gives everybody a second chance but the trouble is that He takes it back before giving.- vikrantIn the periodic table, blood is not an element.- annonymousThe only reason I wouldn't try to kill myself, is because I would probably screw it up.- Cory PowellA meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours are wasted- Timothy Michael LongWomen are like flowers, each with different color, design and beauty. The problem arises when men act like gardeners.- Naqibullah PaimanMost humans are very likable if you do not see them often.- Dr Sanjeev TrivediFunny thing is, when I get pissed off I make sense.- David FigueroaFalling in love is like getting really drunk, it's fun while you are drunk until the next morning when you get a hangover and you tell yourself 'Why did I do this. I will never drink again. '- Adlberto ToledoSo many would say, 'past is past. ' So why study history?- Gregorio SantosAll these years I thought he had the key to my heart; only to find out he was a locksmith.- V SI close my eyes in order to see a better life, better people, I close my eyes and dream..- Daleen IrshaidThe grass is not always greener on the other side, but even if that yard is bigger that just means that you have a better chance of stepping in a pile of crap!- rick krauseA girl will never carry the same look for the second time, the one which made you fall in love with her- Farhad DastoorIf your love is found. Congrats, you've just won something you'll possibly lose again.- Jovonta BattlePeople who don't know me think i'm quiet. People who do know me wish I was! :P- sammy niedzwieckiYou are insane.. screwed up in the head.. not right at all.. but can I tell you a secret? All the best people are- ErickA signature always reveals a man's character.. And sometimes even his name!- Christian CaluyaDivorce is just a way of getting rich quicker.- Jovonta BattleA friend will ask what's wrong while a best friend will have a shovel and ask where do you want me to bury the jerk that made you feel this pain!- Ashlyn Mary HornikCultivate and water your own grass, this way the grass on the other side doesn't appear greener- Joanne Blasco DiehlThey call it weird.. I call it being interesting.- Zarah smithForgive lord for I'm about to sin, just to get that all settled.- Jack BrownIsn't it funny that we realize that the youth is being wasted on wrong people only after we cross it (youth).- Lokesh giriBeing lazy has advantages, for instance if you are lazy it becomes very hard to hold a grudge. Too much effort.- Jack BrownMy heart will describe more than my hands will ever write- Kabir Khivan SinghYou look like you fought the waitress with chopsticks.- JuresanRemember that time when you offered your advice? Me neither..- The Quoted IrisA group of friends.. hanging together.. who ain't getting NO MONEY.. is called a non PROFIT organization..- Babi ShakesIt's better to be happy than to be free..- Ikulabi Anikulapo IkuforijiAny dream without merry pixies doesn't deserve to sleep for- mohdmustafa99There are too many planets other than the earth; why don't we destroy one of them instead of the earth?- mohdmustafa99Only because I have a German Shepard doesn't mean I am German.- Joe CervantesA committee is not surely a task force. It may be either a task without certain individuals to carry out, or a force without a certain task to do.- mohdmustafa99Appetite is not measured by hunger but by eating after taking a meal.- mohdmustafa99Each is dancing alone like parts in peace negotiations.- mohdmustafa99Fools can freely make us laugh, and can make us confused, but they must be trained not to make us irritated.- mohdmustafa99It's not just a beard, it's an adventure.- THIGHBRUSHThere are two types of habits : One makes you funny by things such as narcotics ; and the other makes you very miserable by things such as narcotics.- mohdmustafa99It is socially satisfying to have several brothers since you are not Prophet Joseph- mohdmustafa99Having time or not having it, people dislike being asked about things they don't know although it takes no time to say. 'I don't know'.- mohdmustafa99It is very easy to find your name on the cover of a book, but it is very difficult to find it acclaimed in a text of another author's.- mohdmustafa99Many times , I speak to some people for the first time , I wish it will be both, the first and the last.- mohdmustafa99The intelligent ones are like the mentally retarded deaf, can understand by signs- mohdmustafa99Humor is a very funny depression, bright, colorful pessimism- RomeoNowadays guys will impregnate a lady, leave her and follow her on instagram and facebook to monitor how the baby is growing.- Mr vybs liveSome people speak like Moses and act as the Pharaoh.- mohdmustafa99I want my family members and others I call that use horrible telephone rings to answer quickly.- mohdmustafa99A big smile of a dealer is a kind of advertisement.- mohdmustafa99Why are you astonished by finding me different? Your similar attitudes are the astonishing matter.- mohdmustafa99Because Truth is a five letter word, same as Trump, doesn't mean Donald doesn't lie..- Aye AyeThose who know a little think that they know everything , although those who know a lot, think that they have known very little.- mohdmustafa99A fisherman can give you a fish free every day instead of teaching you fishery because he doesn't want you to share his business.- mohdmustafa99He thinks that she is a bad wife , and she thinks that he is worse.- mohdmustafa99Merchants do not give beginners advice. When they do, reverse the advice and act.- mohdmustafa99Thank God twice. That post doesn't fit me , and the date of applying for it was expired.- mohdmustafa99To know how far you are atheist, read the Holy Book.- mohdmustafa99I don't know if Adam and Eve were white or black , but I can guess they were beige. ‏- mohdmustafa99A human was born free, but fees and taxes make him doubtful about this condition.- mohdmustafa99Why should we keep birds in cages? They need us to feed; they are noisy, they contradict with our attitude toward freedom, they make us fear cats, and they are not edible.- mohdmustafa99I'm impersonating myself, I charge myself to court of impersonation and set myself and others free from oppression to build independence..- Ikulabi Anikulapo IkuforijiSome ladies are very beautiful to the extent that makes you look at them twice.- mohdmustafa99Family planning is the cosseting nickname of birth control.- mohdmustafa99When Arthur Schopenhauer said , 'Music is the food of soul', he didn't mean music they play in restaurants.- mohdmustafa99We don't need to train a fool to play in a theater since he is going to play the role of an idiot anyway.- mohdmustafa99Atheists believe that nature created them, although nature didn't say that.- mohdmustafa99A gang of thieves is an unnatural group. When a cat wants to steal something it conducts alone.- mohdmustafa99Wives do not like their husbands being 'hit under the belt'.- mohdmustafa99Some people ask you questions as such they are agents hired by your wife.- mohdmustafa99Whenever an autocrat behaves correctly , then s/he is making an in-deliberate mistake.- mohdmustafa99A bureaucrat has nothing to do except work.- mohdmustafa99If you have all the ingredients- lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, ham, why not make a sandwich. Follow your dreams and be great.- Marl NixonA dictionary is a good tool to get rid of it.- mohdmustafa99When ladies gossip about me , they whisper about my 'strange' choices.- mohdmustafa99A top boss is the person who gives himself freedom of coming late, or being absent.- mohdmustafa99A mad person is that who has become insane preceding you in arriving at this condition.- mohdmustafa99When you're doing something that you like to do best, it's same as tapping happiness from source of creativity..- Kayode Seyi TayoLet's free people who think that they are free.- mohdmustafa99My religion heartens me to respect neighbors. So would you neighbors let me adhere to my belief by lessening volume of your music.- mohdmustafa99We forgive fools, but isn't this the definition of foolishness ?- mohdmustafa99 When life gives you wives, you make more children - Kenneth LeYou must be drunk if you think i'm listening to you..- Jasen cordieroWith less and less interest in antiques, museums are becoming a thing of the past.- Raymond Richard ReepChallenge every problem with a life jacket.- Joe CervantesAlways remember birthday as the beginning and never forget death day as the end..- Aye AyeThe best thing about being the eagle in the sky is being able to see the wolves and the sheep.- Ross AveryFlapping about like wings in a cock fight- Karl CollinsIf you are happy loving yourself, loving the other is not possible , because you cannot cheat on yourself- john joseph porroAnimals roar Human beings uproar- Dr D Vizai BhaskarFleas do not like plastic trees, but they are not nice enough to ‎escape artificial nature. ‎- mohdmustafa99No one has been expelled from prison because of misconduct. I ‎wish that schools are lenient as well. ‎- mohdmustafa99The government should tax every man who uses women.- Joe CervantesIf men make the same dreams of women, women will make alternative dreams. ‎- mohdmustafa99A woman is like another planet.- Joe CervantesI dream too big to be living so small- Joseph cofferYou can't live forever, simply because you must leave.- Abdullahi Yahya YusufA man's heart cannot stand by itself, it needs a woman to hold it.- joey the poetPride cannot see beyond two feet.- Joe CervantesMusic is an art, when you listen you'll get the picture.- gary frank laderbergIf a man wants a woman, he needs four years shopping experience.- Joe CervantesHappiness is irritating your Best Friend in the most insane way- Suyog PotdarIf you think I am a freak, weird, and abnormal.. then I am doing my job well!- Amelia GoodeIf you are at the end of your rope with failure, don't let go of the swing!- Joe CervantesWhen angry, her vocabulary power increases remarkably.- mohdmustafa99Your ideas are tennis balls. Not so solid, not so colorful, small, and mostly hit out.- mohdmustafa99I have always tried to obey The Ten Commandments but if there were only four or five of them I would have done much better.- Victor CourageYou can cast out an evil spirit's hold on a person, but you cannot cast out the person's hold on the evil spirit- Brayne MatshotshiI was born intelligent but education ruined me- ahmad hasanBeauty lies in the questionable eyesight of the beholder- bornagainStudy is USELESS, cheating is the BEST- lyeah sexcion dasallaThe longer I went to school the more I realized I didn't know, so I quit while I still thought I knew something.- Rick HoelzerAn old proverb says: 'an elephant never minds barking dogs', but highlight is that the dog 'keeps barking even with no reaction' from the elephant.- Lisa RoyThere are two kinds of people, those who are born to live and those who are born to die and I'm both hence the third: 'those who are bound to die'.- Matt Bill

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