Funny Quotes Pictures
Some ingredients of truth with pure lie makes the perfect lie..
Philosophy Short Truth One liners lie
Truth Lie
Many people dream of doing the impossible and they aren't even doing the possible...
Inspirational Short Success Truth Wisdom
People Dream Impossible Possible
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say 'I understand your pain. it's gonna be okay' have..
Life Love Relationship falling in love
Want Pain Understand
Always put your coat on before answering your front door. If you like your visitor tell them you..
Inspirational Life Success Wisdom
Door
They say that luck knocks at least once in life, hence, if luck hasn't yet knocked your door, then..
Inspirational Life Opportunity Witty perspective
Life Door
Let your spirit carry happiness so that you can clothe your tongue with words that may build, heal..Happiness Spirit Build
Top 10 Funny Quotes
My computer is SO OLD, it has Windows B.C.!- The Quoted Iris
Change the world when you are single; because once your are married you can't even change the T. V cable.- Lukesh Bamma
Devil is in the detail, everywhere else there is leadership rhetoric!- Bijoy Pananghat
Peace is a war without killing. - mohdmustafa99
Happiness is a drug, .. get addicted.- Christopher Gite
Nothing can affect me more than his affection : )- shivangi lavaniya
I wake up early to appreciate the beauty of the world before all the A**holes wake up and spoil it.- Karl McLean
If the only thing you have to throw away your problems with is a boomerang, just make sure when they come around again, you duck.- Jessalyn Roussin
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. And a garlic a day keeps everybody away.- Samuel E. Villegas
Today's single women rather live without a man than without a cell phone.- Samuel E. Villegas
Life + Funny Quotes ⇑
Life Quotes
I hate myself because I hate selfish people. - AB Baby
Regained childhood is the last stage of perfection. - Lokesh Giri
Did you say life is unfair? I never heard it promising anybody anything. what do you expect? - Lokesh Giri
If there is an after life, I don't really care at the moment I'm still living this one. - Jack Brown
Its better to be alone than to be left alone - Bipin Kumar G J
If time is money, and everything takes time, is it fair to say that 'Everything takes money' ? - James J. Harris
When Life Throws You Melons.. Make Melonade! - Sven
Whether or not you have glasses or contacts, your hindsight will always be 20-20. - alec
There is only one good thing about being the last, you don't have to look back, no one can chase you. - Austris Vansovics
If you are taking life seriously you are not wise yet - Lokesh Giri
Live is not a game it's a nightmare - kolwer perez
All our life, we are taught to be supportive of others, but are the others also taught the same thing? - OmerJawed
If you are as crazy as me, then were are both sane - Daniel Berg
The person you lay next to night after night, should not be your opponent fight after fight. - Rob Giesbrecht
There comes a time in everyone's lives where they get the spotlight. I demand that Now is my time - Jovanna Estrada
If we wait until retirement to enjoy ourselves, there may not be enough of ourselves to enjoy it. - Mike Hammar
My life is a damn big joke.. because people in it laugh a lot ! :D - VIBHOR DEMTA
A generalist lives longer than a specialist - Dr N Sai Bhaskar Reddy
It takes effort to simplify life, complicating it takes no effort at all, for it's already complicated - Lokesh Giri
Talking shit and taking one are two very similar acts. Both feel great coming out, but can be horribly messy to clean up if not done carefully. - Craig Taylor Nelson
There are three types of people in this world; Problem seekers, Problem Solvers and Problem 'see you later'. - El Haji Nero
Life is not a joke. Its a comedy serial. - Gyan Saxena
I am not afraid of ghosts now because I have realized that people nowadays are scarier than ghosts. - vikrant
Honesty is a virtue dishonesty is an art - Victor Courage
If you rest your chin on your hand when you think, it will help you keep your mouth shut. - vikrant
A man who dresses in others' clothes will be undressed on the highway. - vikrant
Out of all the things that has been running away in life, it's my mind that I cannot escape from. - Dana Jo Graslie
The deaf are more tolerable than bad listeners. - mohdmustafa99
Most people in New York suffer from insomnia because they live in a city that never sleeps. - Samuel E. Villegas
The two meanings of the word DOZEN are: To women it means Eggs To men it means BEER. - Samuel E. Villegas
In the past people lived better because they didn't have to pay for all the things that we pay today in order to live better. - Samuel E. Villegas
You're only 'lost' if you are in a rush to find something or somewhere in particular, otherwise it's just called 'exploring' - Alec Chamberlain
When fools try to fool others, they actually manifest how foolish they are. - Suyog Potdar
You will be dating a WOMAN for years and a Man from No Where will come and MARRY - Babi Shakes
A man.. got a heart attack.. in hospital.. and the nurses shout.. call an ambulance.. - Babi Shakes
No blame on men who disregard equality of genders if they believe that women are superior. - mohdmustafa99
Sanity is immeasurable; insanity is. - mohdmustafa99
Music will either inspire or discourage depending on the volume. - Joe Cervantes
Don't wait for doors to open, just burst right through them. - joey the poet
I didn't invent the wheel, I just roll with it. - Michael Crowley
Life- it teaches you 2+2 and then assigns x+4=5, find x. - Alabi
One must always have defeatable enemies to enjoy victories.. - mohdmustafa99
Two chances must not be missed for having tranquility: a party to be absent , and a meeting to reject participating. - mohdmustafa99
The egoist expenses 50 percent of love to oneself, and keeps the remainder as an emergency account. - mohdmustafa99
An optimist is an under-beaten pessimist. - Romeo
We only have a scapegoat nothing like scapelion; Do you understand? - Kayode Seyi Tayo
Ignorance is darkness of both night and daytime. - mohdmustafa99
A non-smoker does nothing when s/he is doing nothing. - mohdmustafa99
Even women's movements didn't call for increase of women's presentation in men's hearts. - mohdmustafa99
Fools can hardly make a minority, but can easily make a majority. - mohdmustafa99
Never give false information about yourself to your doctor; otherwise s/he will prescribe you another patient's medicines. - mohdmustafa99
Any disease has its drug to the extent that we don't know what a tail of a mouse cures. - mohdmustafa99
A male bachelor is the person who has a woman living like him away without a spouse. - mohdmustafa99
Don't worry if you look like a monkey. Monkeys have no problem with their look. - mohdmustafa99
Eat to live or live to eat , but don't take my meal. - mohdmustafa99
Life is so exciting! It's like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone! - The Quoted Iris
When it's out of hand hope it doesn't get to head - Ikulabi Anikulapo Ikuforiji
The number of life preservers in any ship is always less than the number of passengers. I wonder Why. - mohdmustafa99
People say tough times test us, it might be true; but tough people test us all the time :) - Lokesh Giri
You are not famous if you get upset by someone who knows you without knowing him. - mohdmustafa99
Every time anyone pretends that s/he is not seeing me, he found me doing the same. - mohdmustafa99
Mr. President ! We, the protesters, are not mobilized by foreign powers. We don't eat bread for foreign interests. - mohdmustafa99
A shy child puts his/her fingers in his/her mouth, but s/he must put them in his/her ears so as not to hear what we, adults, speak awkwardly. - mohdmustafa99
Valentines is for artists, deejays and revelers. The rest wait for martyrs day - Mr vybs live
Make her laugh and quickly ask her number before she remembers that you are ugly. - Mr vybs live
I once watched a Nigerian movie where a rich man's driver has his own personal driver - Mr vybs live
A girl who really loves you won't find it hard to pay her own dowry - Mr vybs live
Parents who smoke weed are the ones producing herbal doctors. I think.. - Mr vybs live
Manchester United signed Wenger and named him Mourinho - Mr vybs live
The reason why I don't want to go back to the village is because I have that grandma who gives me hugs calling me her husband - Mr vybs live
Liars are very important for our life. Without them, we cannot know the credible ones. - mohdmustafa99
It is unfair to calculate the percentage of insane ones; otherwise the remainder will think that they are sane. - mohdmustafa99
If you want to know the distance between 'yes' and 'no', ask a child. - The Quoted Iris
Routine puts all its sentences in continuous present. - mohdmustafa99
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say 'I understand your pain. it's gonna be okay' have this 5 million shillings - Mr vybs live
Until you watch porn with your parents never come here and tell us that anything is possible - Mhlongo Ndumiso Julius
When I'm alone by myself I become extremely intelligent but when I'm out there with the people I just become super stupid - Mhlongo Ndumiso Julius
If it didn't take men to make babies, I wouldn't have anything to do with any of them - The Quoted Iris
It's funny how we tell others to learn from their past, yet all we're doing is repeating our own past and thinking about it every second of the present. - Adina Shahzad
We are in society of underrated truth and overrated lie.. - success song
Money is a matter of chase. Not having it, makes you chaser. Having it , makes you chased - mohdmustafa99
Jesus loved the little children; but he never had any. - Michelle Caldwell
Spending your time with the mirror doesn't make you know who you are. - DUBA ABEL BITRUS
If you think you matter, then yes darling you are just a matter.. - RVD Richi
Water is nature's cure all. Need to lose weight? Drink water. Complexion problems? Keep that skin hydrated. Drink water. Tired of your spouse? Drown him/ her. - The Quoted Iris
Why do you say, 'Zombies are brain dead, dysfunctional, and have no place in society?' When, Zombies use more of your brain than you do. - Mac McGovern
Everyone hurries to their graves. - Romeo
A problem delayed is a problem solved. - Derrick Merrill Smith
Thinking there is such thing as 'an end to suffering' seems like an adult fairy tale to me. - Konchok Dhondup
I have finally come to realize what life is: NONSENSE. - Konchok Dhondup
Short + Funny Quotes ⇑
Short Quotes
Imperfection annoys the imperfect - Lokesh Giri
They say time and tide wait for nun! but I ask why discrimination? - Lokesh Giri
The word 'ME' hurts me as well as others. - rakesh
Sound minds never make much sound outside. - Lokesh Giri
To err is human, to forget it is inhuman - Lokesh Giri
To err is human, to forgive self is not divine - Lokesh Giri
People say 'words make a difference'. But I say 'spelling in the words make the difference'. - rakeshbabu
'Now' is the good time to do almost anything. - Lokesh Giri
It doesn't matter if you are handsome, When you have 'handy sum'. - Lokesh Giri
It's really easy to be in someone else's shoes if they fit, of course unless they stink. - Lokesh Giri
Many are slaves of their own weaknesses, some are even of others' weaknesses :) - Lokesh Giri
Since it's not the best guy who always wins, you too can try - Lokesh Giri
When you feel like rats are running inside your stomach, trust me.. Rat poison is not a good idea. - Lokesh Giri
If silence speaks in volume, I possess many a unpublished book within. - Spirit Roc
It takes a cat nine lives to get screwed altogether - bornagain
Talk less if you want to communicate more - Lokesh Giri
Though poverty is the worst curse it has something to teach, 'get out of it'. - Lisa Roy
Those who blow their own trumpets often end up hoarse - Patricia Schwitzer
Dear Forever, I'm sorry you didn't last.. - Daleen Irshaid
The only thing that one does not know, is the only thing that one does not know - Sir Brayne
Never leave a bathroom without an idea - Edmond H Sweidy
A little craziness goes a long way. - Victor Courage
Food has its own story and it's hauntingly delicious! - Gladys Gallentes
My idea of a wild Friday night is buying a bottle of wine and not sharing it. - Dana Jo Graslie
Today's single women rather live without a man than without a cell phone. - Samuel E. Villegas
Most people in New York suffer from insomnia because they live in a city that never sleeps. - Samuel E. Villegas
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. And a garlic a day keeps everybody away. - Samuel E. Villegas
Some says food is medicine. But for some medicine is food. - Kowsalapathy Saravanan
Count your secrets before they hatch. - mohdmustafa99
Life is like a potato, it's not a tomato - Juan Fonseca
Some people are good at throwing others under the bus. - joey the poet
Got really excited when my dentist told me that I was going to get a crown. - joey the poet
People who think money is the root of all evil haven't tried radishes - David Schapiro
Museums are a thing of the past - Raymond Richard Reep
A museum is a thing of the past - Raymond Richard Reep
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend. - Raymond Richard Reep
A stitch in time saves a wardrobe malfunction. - Raymond Richard Reep
All that glitters is the root of all evil. - Raymond Richard Reep
A bird in the hand is probably not alive. - Raymond Richard Reep
Never serve who doesn't serve oneself; never serve who can serve oneself. - mohdmustafa99
If children annoy each other, the won't annoy us. - mohdmustafa99
Donors want to be droplets, and they want you to hold your umbrella. - mohdmustafa99
The Mailman's Creed should be changed to 'We deliver whenever we feel like it. - The Quoted Iris
Honesty has nothing bad except it makes you poor. - mohdmustafa99
A job without work is worse than work without a job. - mohdmustafa99
Dear, don't be like a bear, otherwise I can't bear. - Samir valvi
Employ graduates before they forget information of their specialties. - mohdmustafa99
Do not 'Aprilify' my foolishness, nor 'Augustinize' my temper. - mohdmustafa99
Truth is always painful unless you accept it. - Kowsalapathy Saravanan
I couldn't do what I can , let me try what I can't. - mohdmustafa99
A word without an opposite meaning is meaningless.. - Ikulabi Anikulapo Ikuforiji
Judgmental people are mental people! - Shweta Fernandes
A nightmare is better than snoring because the first upsets you alone and the latter upsets others. - mohdmustafa99
Yea, you are crazy; just like everyone. - mohdmustafa99
Regimen is to open your refrigerator, and to close it again without taking anything from.. - mohdmustafa99
Any man should be able to afford to pay for his own lawyer; and, his own teeth. - The Quoted Iris
A corrupt is a magician who can steal money without seeing it at the time of theft. - mohdmustafa99
Corruption makes offices like prisons ; places of offenders. - mohdmustafa99
A dog doesn't wish to be a human as it barks at us disdaining our humanity. - mohdmustafa99
Idiots take revenge on the genius by misusing their inventions. - mohdmustafa99
A police officer looks at you thrice sharply if you look at him just the once cautiously. - mohdmustafa99
Not all carpenters have their doors broken. - mohdmustafa99
Women must do a lot until gender equity becomes a male demand. - mohdmustafa99
A lot of smokers started smoking just after they got free lighters. - mohdmustafa99
I have never started a clash, and I have never lost out any - mohdmustafa99
Blame yourself , others are too busy to do you this favor. - mohdmustafa99
Valentines is for cute portable girls. The rest belong to fools day - Mr vybs live
It is great to be serious but not too serious - mohdmustafa99
Cotton is not enough to escape roar coming into your ears. - mohdmustafa99
You see doctors to have good health, therefore see consultants to have good decisions. - mohdmustafa99
I only smoke when I'm on fire, very painful, don't recommend it. - David L. Rose
Not all Hamlets are Danish. Not all Danish are Hamlets. - mohdmustafa99
Whoever utilizes his or her naughtiness is developing to be naughtier. - mohdmustafa99
Save Coy. It's in danger. - mohdmustafa99
The prideful suck up more air than others. - Joe Cervantes
The only golden rule is that all women adore gold. - mohdmustafa99
A heir is lucky, but the testator was luckier. - mohdmustafa99
Most people are not famous because they are not good enough nor too bad. - mohdmustafa99
I don't know which is wrong: my society or theories of sociology - mohdmustafa99
I wish bashfulness is a communicable disease - mohdmustafa99
What a difficult charge; to forget what you want to forget - mohdmustafa99
Great nations want to keep us laughter, to keep having something to laugh at. - mohdmustafa99
Bad words near your lips are flies to oust away. - mohdmustafa99
You'll ignore a lot of things when you do away with ignorance. - mohdmustafa99
Any 'famous' one I don't know is not famous. - mohdmustafa99
To condemn everybody is to condemn nobody - mohdmustafa99
Be careful of temporary decisions, they can delay you forever. - Sipho P Nkosi
Never say 'Lid' in a drugstore! - The Quoted Iris
I went to Catholic school. Every Summer our vacation was a Guilt Trip. - The Quoted Iris
Inspirational + Funny Quotes ⇑
Inspirational Quotes
Nothing is too big to be impossible, let's assume so. - Lokesh Giri
People who are in love with the sound of their voice eventually find they have a small audience. - Donald Lynn Frost
Not even a single possible thing is impossible - Lokesh Giri
If I were your lighthouse we'd be awaken by the sounds of ships crashing against the shore. - Brandon Kellum
Prattling is amusing, but silence does this better. - mohdmustafa99
They say that luck knocks at least once in life, hence, if luck hasn't yet knocked your door, then you will be the next lucky person. - mohdmustafa99
Always put your coat on before answering your front door. If you like your visitor tell them you are just in. If you don't like them tell them you are just leaving - Eliza Keating
Chastity doesn't distort glamour of a lady. - mohdmustafa99
When facing a problem in life that you think is complicated apply the logic that we use with fractions.. reduce it down to its common denominator. Once simplified it is much easier to determine how to solve it.. so why not simplify our lives & not damn ourselves to living only a fraction of it? - Candi Taylor Jeter Ed S
There must be no sheaths for minds , simply because they don't function like swords. - mohdmustafa99
If you didn't get 100% in primary school, the only place you will see 100% again is when your phone is fully charged - Mr vybs live
I don't play golf for second place, I either win or gain experience - Lyle Roche Pedro
Never pet a burning dog! - David L. Rose
Finally, a cause worth kneeling for.. - THIGHBRUSH
Going through your man's phone is like peeling an onion. There are multiple layers to it, and the more you peel them back, the more likely you are going to start crying at inappropriate times. - Mhlongo Ndumiso Julius
Make humanity your attribute to make yourself a multi-attribute person. - mohdmustafa99
Life gave me Lemons, I gave it juice. - Joseph Nwakushabeni
If you really want to fall in love with the most promising person then fall in love with yourself and experience it. - swati somal
Who wants balls of steel when you can have them in gold? - QuagganQuoter69
If you want to defeat anyone then try irritating them. You will definitely win.. - Nidhi singh
You should know things to know you do not know things because if you do not know things you will never know if you do not know things. - ameya agrawal
I can sit with you for hours without speaking a word and still not get bored. - ameya agrawal
Intelligence is inversely proportional (contrary) to tongue, more the intelligence, less you speak and less the intelligence, more you speak. - Muhammad Shahid Iqbal
Many people dream of doing the impossible and they aren't even doing the possible. - Kevin B Johnston
We have a Choice: Either to be a Sweeper or a Seeker. The Sweeper just sweeps the material possessions off the Earth, but the Seeker seeks God. - AiR Atman in Ravi
You really have to start before you start. - Uche Onyinyechi Richard
Be different not weird - Suraj Bhaskar Gholap
Your mind can be your worst enemy. Control and train it wisely. - asokha
Choose your friends and life wisely. It may build up or pull you down gently. - asokha
Love + Funny Quotes ⇑
Love Quotes
Why just love your neighbors? Love their neighbors too. - Lokesh Giri
Arranged marriage is murder, love marriage is suicide, ultimately marriage is death. - Lokesh Giri
Love is a heaven, but it can hurt you like hell - Prince Sunil Raj
Women fall in love through their ears, and what about men? men! they just need to know you are available. - Lisa Roy
Love is like a rain it will come and go - kubhendra
A man can invent a time machine while a woman is getting ready to go out for the night - diya ahmed azzony
LOVE= A four letter lie - Rachelle Crandell
LOVE: celebration of the absence of the other type of chromosome [of course this doesn't explain homosexuality] - Lokesh Giri
Whoever came up with the saying 'money cannot buy love' was so broke, in that he just didn't know where it was sold.. - Sir Brayne
Today, you know that a girl doesn't like you, when she sees you coming and puts a cell phone on her ear. - Samuel E. Villegas
LOVE is related to Newton's third law, deeper the love equal amount of pain in the end - Ruthvik Suri
Where there are love birds there are bird watchers. - Joe Cervantes
Nothing can affect me more than his affection : ) - shivangi lavaniya
My wife is beautiful, intelligent and kind. Her only flaw is that she is real :) - Lokesh Giri
Money can buy love. Every time I go shopping I buy things I love. - mohdmustafa99
First love is a good training opportunity to process the second serenely. - mohdmustafa99
Without you I can't Breathe, I love you so much, 'My Nose' - Rina 23
The moon is not important as it was because of the Gregorian calendar, electricity, aeronautics, satellites and disappearance of romantic love. - mohdmustafa99
Nothing breaks my heart like my neighbor who has an ugly daughter and keeps calling me in-law - Mr vybs live
Ladies in a relationship should stop posting their beautiful pictures, why advertise goods that are no longer in stock! - Mr vybs live
I propose a toast to the Daily roast amongst the humorous inhabitants from coast to coast. - Raul Pompe
If it tickles thighs, it flies! - THIGHBRUSH
Good whispering or gossip requires either a conspiracy or love affairs - mohdmustafa99
Marriage is one way to free oneself from love - mohdmustafa99
Why should I love you ? I want to love you without 'should' - mohdmustafa99
I was among the crowd like the beautiful Black Beauty but she preferred the Zebra. - Joe Cervantes
Philosophy + Funny Quotes ⇑
Philosophy Quotes
There are as many worlds as there are people, with somethings in common of course. - william anne
No matter how you look, you always face consequences - Farhad Dastoor
Everyone is a little insane, but without a little insanity who in their right mind would have thought of putting peanut butter INSIDE the chocolate. - Aaron Russo
Even the wise learn from fool's words, it's only a foolish that joke with wise words.. - Kayode Seyi Tayo
I used to be a genius but I gave it up for a higher paid job. - Victor Courage
Nothing resembles postmodernism like pre-modernism. - mohdmustafa99
A lawyer reads between the lines of laws as such what is in between is the law itself. - mohdmustafa99
Secure your box, think out of circle.. - Ikulabi Anikulapo Ikuforiji
The middle is the best position with the exception of holding a stick - mohdmustafa99
These days instead of telling the police that robbers are robbing your house.. just tell them that criminals are dragging out bags of money. My friend the police will be there in less than 2 minutes. - Mr vybs live
Conscience will make it hard for you to tell a lie, at the same time makes it simple for you to say the truth.. - success song
Since misery loves company, simply let it find its company somewhere else. - Brenda Lee Sanders
The best mode of transportation is your own two feet. - Brenda Lee Sanders
Some ingredients of truth with pure lie makes the perfect lie - Suraj Bhaskar Gholap
Age + Funny Quotes ⇑
Age Quotes
Most of us never grow up, but our age does. - Lokesh Giri
Women hide their age through make up. Men try to hide their age by marrying women who look young - bornagain
I hate teenagers who are 40 years old. - mohdmustafa99
A woman loses her virginity at 17, her fertility at 45, her temper at 50, her husband at 75, and loses her life afterward. - mohdmustafa99
Old people always poke me at weddings, saying you are next. so I started doing it at funerals.. , what is life without a draw game.. its better to draw than lose. - Richard ofem inah
Age is just a number. Yes it is, a number of wrinkles and grey hair - sharonkemp
Don't call your child 'idiot', he may be well informed about genetic heredity. - mohdmustafa99
A court that sentences him life imprisonment thinks that people live all their lives. - mohdmustafa99
I'm not young enough to know what I mustn't know. - mohdmustafa99
Video games are laughter when played by people at 20 and above. - mohdmustafa99
I can't hide my age because it is very difficult to behave now as I behaved when I was younger - mohdmustafa99
Every year that passes by makes me feel older and older again. It will only cease with death. - The Quoted Iris
'Yippee! Next year (2020) will be the 36th Anniversary of my 21st Birthday! - The Quoted Iris
Politics + Funny Quotes ⇑
Politics Quotes
Politicians are people who are voted to an important office that involves nothing but piontless arguments because they have no use in any other part of society. - Jack Brown
Taxation is a charming word for extortion. - R E Spencer
People in this country are divided into two groups: the old opposition and the new. - mohdmustafa99
They said that he might be a terrorist because he conducted like a non-terrorist tourist. - mohdmustafa99
Theory of conspiracy in practice is to burn up the American flag when a Russian air raid attacks your town. - mohdmustafa99
Hypocrisy , sometimes, is more efficient than qualifications to be among those around the president. - mohdmustafa99
Riots are policemen when they are hurried up to fight a peaceful gathering. - mohdmustafa99
All members of the British Parliament have fluent English unless they speak about Brexit. - mohdmustafa99
News is always good because it tells who is worse than us - mohdmustafa99
Women get involved in politics when they discover that men are not fit for it. - mohdmustafa99
You can be neutral , but to be a pro-neutral is not neutrality. - mohdmustafa99
Wisdom + Funny Quotes ⇑
Wisdom Quotes
For opportunities to fall into your lap, you first have to be sitting down. - Kerron Hughes
The grass is not always greener on the other side, but even if that yard is bigger that just means that you have a better chance of stepping in a pile of crap! - rick krause
Wise men treat everyone equally, so do foolish people. It's everyone else who is confused - Lokesh Giri
Challenge every problem with a life jacket. - Joe Cervantes
I'm a lot like bad whiskey, taken only as a last resort, in small doses, and very infrequently. - David L. Rose
Be good! But, if you can't be, at least don't get caught. - David L. Rose
Straws are for suckers. - Bradford Harry Nevius
Those who know a little think that they know everything , although those who know a lot, think that they have known very little. - mohdmustafa99
When kids are born, they are blessings, as they grow up they gradually becomes lessons - Ayaak Chol Kuany Deng
If your outerwear is dignity, make sure your underwear is integrity! - Meshack Sewe
When you steal from a thief, you can bet they will never call the cops. - The Quoted Iris
All Funny Quotes ⇑
Some people stop lying only when they are asleep. Advanced liars even lie in their dreams- Edmond H Sweidy
Bite the hand of any government that it feeds you propaganda.- mohdmustafa99
It's totally like dating a mermaid ; they need to be dry to have legs, then you can't make them WET or they will have the fish tail back on.. No point!- Toufic Z. Hamzeh
I'm a doormat, but I'm the first to welcome you.- Ntameni
Why give up if life takes no hostages?- Javier de Windt
I don't know, where do I find the courage, to be such a coward!- Lipjan Halili
Pictures tell a thousand lies, and people tell a thousand more..- Caroline Huamani
If you won't embrace your curves.. can I?- Charles E Lyle
The only good thing lawyers and doctors give to their clients is a discharge- Mohd Ustar Abdul Ghani
When you keep failing in your biggest dream it must be time for you to wake up.- Hunter James
A pessimist is a person who looks both ways before crossing a one way road.- Darab Imteyaz
Being resourceful is a gift. It allows the mind to utilize various avenues to travel to one's own conclusion.- CornisheeJBruce
I want to think outside the box because it's crowded in there..- Paul Peshkov
Dreaming is just life with your eyes closed.- Carmen Makinson
Kids, Here is an advice you must listen to in order to keep happiness : Don't grow up!- Daleen Irshaid
Why is it that, a person's imperfections tend to disappear when they have money?- Lesibana Makgai
Everyone is searching for the key to success. You already have it. Finding the right door, the one that opens is upon Yourself - Benni Fiso
Nothing you do is wrong.. until you get caught- Sarad S Dhungel
Never make the same mistake twice, no matter how tempting it may be- Gabby Ramos
God created texting so that parents can communicate with their children.- Vicky Robinson
Death is just nature's way of making room for birth.- christine sharland
Sometimes I wish I can hang a 'DO NOT DISTURB' sign on my forehead.- Lisa Ortiz
When god gave women more threshold of pain he also made sure they get more pain too.- Lokesh Giri
When god gets lazy he lets some of us write our own future, and that's the best work he ever did- 'doing nothing'- Lokesh Giri
Why do people bother so much about dying, when they have so many other things to do while alive?- Bipin Kumar G J
We hate our own bad qualities than anybody else's but only when seen in somebody else.- Lokesh Giri
When the cat and god are at play together, God is as work.- Jeffrey DeMann
I wonder why people are so specific on a general store- Shekhar Bhati
If life don't teach you how to make money teach life how to do a business- success song
You need to use all your heads to understand your single heart.- mohdmustafa99
An opportunity makes a thief; lack of opportunities makes the honest ones.- mohdmustafa99
I don't wish death for my enemy , but I wish my enemy be against my wishes.- mohdmustafa99
Love doesn't only play with hearts but also with adrenal glands- mohdmustafa99
A Heavy smoker can give up smoking by not lighting a cigarette between a cigarette and a cigarette.- mohdmustafa99
My original dream as a child was to become an astronaut; then I remembered my people and I became a physician.- Terron Hosten
A divorced woman knows much about marriage though she failed it- mohdmustafa99
To know how old or young you currently are, check new photos of those you went to school with!- Meshack Sewe
Just pick the lock, if key of success is not available.- NaGa RaJ D
They say that money does not bring happiness, but I prefer to mourn sitting inside a vault of Swiss bank.- Marcelo Cahuenas
Never work like a mosquito; you'll be hit deadly.- mohdmustafa99
Scientists project to populate near planets by humans , but I think it's more exciting to let extraterrestrials dwell the earth with us.- mohdmustafa99
O! pretty lady, it is my honor to have my heart being broken by you; only you.- mohdmustafa99
Human cloning is a very complicated scientific process to give birth to illegitimate children.- mohdmustafa99
Lying against the truth is like believing an ant to win a battle with an elephant..- Ikulabi Anikulapo Ikuforiji
Envy is nonexchangeable because those envious towards you have nothing to make you envious towards them- mohdmustafa99
Internet decreases popularity of cinema, theater, library , newspapers, TV, radio, postal mail, and it will decrease later the popularity of the internet.- mohdmustafa99
A suicide committer is a crazy one who doesn't want to enjoy his or her craziness.- mohdmustafa99
Dreams are reality of that who oversleeps.- mohdmustafa99
Our children are like kings of the ancient times; they like to write their names on walls.- mohdmustafa99
If the heart speaks it will say to the tongue , 'You are a liar'- mohdmustafa99
We hate money, particularly the very little of it..- mohdmustafa99
Anything that cannot bend is susceptible to smashing.- mohdmustafa99
I have to drink a lot of water before bed because I don't have an alarm clock.- mohdmustafa99
Beware! Some use their smile to kill you! Others kill you without a smile!- Meshack Sewe
If you have nothing to say, don't say it! Say something!- Meshack Sewe
Don't do Incredible things, Do the things which gives you credibility.- Ravi shekar
It seems that almost every time I try to fill the void in my life, I choose that which - is only temporary- Cole Ford
Great customer service is as universal as love, Everyone wants it, and everyone knows when they are not getting it- Mike B Piazza
Many people do not go to church because they fear empty places. - mohdmustafa99
The Devil saw the church sign which read, 'come as you are' and he was the first in line.- Joe Cervantes
On one side, we can call ourselves as leaders because we all lead our own lives :)- KRUTHIKA CHIDAMBARANATHAN
Writing is my hobby, 'not to write' is my business.- mohdmustafa99
It makes no difference to follow Satan or to make him follow you. - mohdmustafa99
In the modern world, you die from indigestion and not from hunger- Sandeep Aggarwal
My heart is on a mission to love you and I'm just following the order from upstairs!- Joe Cervantes
There has to be a woman behind every man who becomes successful.- Joe Cervantes
Christmas comes in winter because it wants us to be well demure.- mohdmustafa99
Comedy in Guatemala lost a lot. One of the comedians there has been elected a president.- mohdmustafa99
Everyone is scared of death. Everyone says they're going to heaven. Then what are they scared of?- Amles Znovh
If you try your very best to succeed at something and fail, at least you tried. If you try your very best to fail at something and succeed, something's not right.- Bre An Rivers
These THREE FEMALES saw me.. and they NECK BROKE from going into a 360.. the ambulance had to come, I'm DANGEROUS..- Babi Shakes
America's favorite colors are: RED, WHITE and BREW.- Samuel E. Villegas
Years ago, by carrying too much money with you, you could be assaulted. But today, by carrying too much money with you, you could get arrested.- Samuel E. Villegas
The only difference between the ancient Roman circus and today's Super Bowls is : THE COMMERCIALS.- Samuel E. Villegas
Working for 5 years can either mean you have five years of experience or one year of experience repeated five times- Sarad S Dhungel
To a wise man, the only fear of becoming wiser is the fear of being referred to as a mad man- Stanley Kelechi Onwuemene
An insane one, as well as the thinker, speaks silently with others , and loudly to oneself.- mohdmustafa99
That who has the pen to write never blacklists his name.- mohdmustafa99
I don't agree with Sigmund Freud. This is why I didn't read any of his books.- mohdmustafa99
The peacock is not colored by Darwin.- mohdmustafa99
Matrimony has two main divisions: the culinary , and the contradictory.- mohdmustafa99
I've always made an offer which the girls have never refused. - Arvinder Singh
Let your ideas be the measure of your intelligence and not your remembrance of a textbook.- Chasare Allen
Professionally, Good news is bad news.- mohdmustafa99
It is easier to be a great leader than to dream of being ruled by a great leader.- mohdmustafa99
Geography produces stuff, economics buys, Chemistry cooks, mathematics adds ingredients , physics prepares the table, biology eats , and medicine cleans.- mohdmustafa99
If you don't have anything to do , do anything.- mohdmustafa99
There are two types of technologies : One makes our life very easy such as very fast vehicles ; and the other makes it very dangerous such as very fast vehicles.- mohdmustafa99
God certainly gives everybody a second chance but the trouble is that He takes it back before giving.- vikrant
In the periodic table, blood is not an element.- annonymous
The only reason I wouldn't try to kill myself, is because I would probably screw it up.- Cory Powell
A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours are wasted- Timothy Michael Long
Women are like flowers, each with different color, design and beauty. The problem arises when men act like gardeners.- Naqibullah Paiman
Most humans are very likable if you do not see them often.- Dr Sanjeev Trivedi
Funny thing is, when I get pissed off I make sense.- David Figueroa
Falling in love is like getting really drunk, it's fun while you are drunk until the next morning when you get a hangover and you tell yourself 'Why did I do this. I will never drink again. '- Adlberto Toledo
So many would say, 'past is past. ' So why study history?- Gregorio Santos
All these years I thought he had the key to my heart; only to find out he was a locksmith.- V S
I close my eyes in order to see a better life, better people, I close my eyes and dream..- Daleen Irshaid
A girl will never carry the same look for the second time, the one which made you fall in love with her- Farhad Dastoor
If your love is found. Congrats, you've just won something you'll possibly lose again.- Jovonta Battle
People who don't know me think i'm quiet. People who do know me wish I was! :P- sammy niedzwiecki
You are insane.. screwed up in the head.. not right at all.. but can I tell you a secret? All the best people are- Erick
A signature always reveals a man's character.. And sometimes even his name!- Christian Caluya
Divorce is just a way of getting rich quicker.- Jovonta Battle
A friend will ask what's wrong while a best friend will have a shovel and ask where do you want me to bury the jerk that made you feel this pain!- Ashlyn Mary Hornik
Cultivate and water your own grass, this way the grass on the other side doesn't appear greener- Joanne Blasco Diehl
They call it weird.. I call it being interesting.- Zarah smith
Forgive lord for I'm about to sin, just to get that all settled.- Jack Brown
Isn't it funny that we realize that the youth is being wasted on wrong people only after we cross it (youth).- Lokesh Giri
Being lazy has advantages, for instance if you are lazy it becomes very hard to hold a grudge. Too much effort.- Jack Brown
You look like you fought the waitress with chopsticks.- Juresan
Remember that time when you offered your advice? Me neither..- The Quoted Iris
A group of friends.. hanging together.. who ain't getting NO MONEY.. is called a non PROFIT organization..- Babi Shakes
Irritating person is the most important person in our life since it checks our ability to control the anger.- Nidhi singh
It's better to be happy than to be free..- Ikulabi Anikulapo Ikuforiji
Any dream without merry pixies doesn't deserve to sleep for- mohdmustafa99
There are too many planets other than the earth; why don't we destroy one of them instead of the earth?- mohdmustafa99
Only because I have a German Shepard doesn't mean I am German.- Joe Cervantes
A president who wants to change the constitution to be elected for a third term, wants to be elected for the fourth , fifth.. etc.- mohdmustafa99
A philogynist is a gentleman fond of women except his wife.- mohdmustafa99
A committee is not surely a task force. It may be either a task without certain individuals to carry out, or a force without a certain task to do.- mohdmustafa99
Appetite is not measured by hunger but by eating after taking a meal.- mohdmustafa99
Each is dancing alone like parts in peace negotiations.- mohdmustafa99
Fools can freely make us laugh, and can make us confused, but they must be trained not to make us irritated.- mohdmustafa99
It's not just a beard, it's an adventure.- THIGHBRUSH
There are two types of habits : One makes you funny by things such as narcotics ; and the other makes you very miserable by things such as narcotics.- mohdmustafa99
It is socially satisfying to have several brothers since you are not Prophet Joseph- mohdmustafa99
Having time or not having it, people dislike being asked about things they don't know although it takes no time to say. 'I don't know'.- mohdmustafa99
It is very easy to find your name on the cover of a book, but it is very difficult to find it acclaimed in a text of another author's.- mohdmustafa99
Many times , I speak to some people for the first time , I wish it will be both, the first and the last.- mohdmustafa99
The intelligent ones are like the mentally retarded deaf, can understand by signs- mohdmustafa99
Humor is a very funny depression, bright, colorful pessimism- Romeo
Nowadays guys will impregnate a lady, leave her and follow her on instagram and facebook to monitor how the baby is growing.- Mr vybs live
Some people speak like Moses and act as the Pharaoh.- mohdmustafa99
I want my family members and others I call that use horrible telephone rings to answer quickly.- mohdmustafa99
A big smile of a dealer is a kind of advertisement.- mohdmustafa99
Why are you astonished by finding me different? Your similar attitudes are the astonishing matter.- mohdmustafa99
Because Truth is a five letter word, same as Trump, doesn't mean Donald doesn't lie..- Aye Aye
A fisherman can give you a fish free every day instead of teaching you fishery because he doesn't want you to share his business.- mohdmustafa99
He thinks that she is a bad wife , and she thinks that he is worse.- mohdmustafa99
Merchants do not give beginners advice. When they do, reverse the advice and act.- mohdmustafa99
Thank God twice. That post doesn't fit me , and the date of applying for it was expired.- mohdmustafa99
To know how far you are atheist, read the Holy Book.- mohdmustafa99
I don't know if Adam and Eve were white or black , but I can guess they were beige. - mohdmustafa99
A human was born free, but fees and taxes make him doubtful about this condition.- mohdmustafa99
Why should we keep birds in cages? They need us to feed; they are noisy, they contradict with our attitude toward freedom, they make us fear cats, and they are not edible.- mohdmustafa99
I'm impersonating myself, I charge myself to court of impersonation and set myself and others free from oppression to build independence..- Ikulabi Anikulapo Ikuforiji
Some ladies are very beautiful to the extent that makes you look at them twice.- mohdmustafa99
Family planning is the cosseting nickname of birth control.- mohdmustafa99
When Arthur Schopenhauer said , 'Music is the food of soul', he didn't mean music they play in restaurants.- mohdmustafa99
We don't need to train a fool to play in a theater since he is going to play the role of an idiot anyway.- mohdmustafa99
Atheists believe that nature created them, although nature didn't say that.- mohdmustafa99
A gang of thieves is an unnatural group. When a cat wants to steal something it conducts alone.- mohdmustafa99
Wives do not like their husbands being 'hit under the belt'.- mohdmustafa99
Some people ask you questions as such they are agents hired by your wife.- mohdmustafa99
Whenever an autocrat behaves correctly , then s/he is making an in-deliberate mistake.- mohdmustafa99
A bureaucrat has nothing to do except work.- mohdmustafa99
If you have all the ingredients- lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, ham, why not make a sandwich. Follow your dreams and be great.- Marl Nixon
A dictionary is a good tool to get rid of it.- mohdmustafa99
When ladies gossip about me , they whisper about my 'strange' choices.- mohdmustafa99
A top boss is the person who gives himself freedom of coming late, or being absent.- mohdmustafa99
A mad person is that who has become insane preceding you in arriving at this condition.- mohdmustafa99
When you're doing something that you like to do best, it's same as tapping happiness from source of creativity..- Kayode Seyi Tayo
Let's free people who think that they are free.- mohdmustafa99
My religion heartens me to respect neighbors. So would you neighbors let me adhere to my belief by lessening volume of your music.- mohdmustafa99
We forgive fools, but isn't this the definition of foolishness ?- mohdmustafa99
When life gives you wives, you make more children - Kenneth Le
You must be drunk if you think i'm listening to you..- Jasen cordiero
With less and less interest in antiques, museums are becoming a thing of the past.- Raymond Richard Reep
Always remember birthday as the beginning and never forget death day as the end..- Aye Aye
The best thing about being the eagle in the sky is being able to see the wolves and the sheep.- Ross Avery
Flapping about like wings in a cock fight- Karl Collins
If you are happy loving yourself, loving the other is not possible , because you cannot cheat on yourself- john joseph porro
Animals roar Human beings uproar- Dr D Vizai Bhaskar
Fleas do not like plastic trees, but they are not nice enough to escape artificial nature. - mohdmustafa99
No one has been expelled from prison because of misconduct. I wish that schools are lenient as well. - mohdmustafa99
The government should tax every man who uses women.- Joe Cervantes
If men make the same dreams of women, women will make alternative dreams. - mohdmustafa99
A woman is like another planet.- Joe Cervantes
I dream too big to be living so small- Joseph coffer
You can't live forever, simply because you must leave.- Abdullahi Yahya Yusuf
A man's heart cannot stand by itself, it needs a woman to hold it.- joey the poet
Pride cannot see beyond two feet.- Joe Cervantes
Music is an art, when you listen you'll get the picture.- gary frank laderberg
An IT guy is a computer god- Ndumiso
If a man wants a woman, he needs four years shopping experience.- Joe Cervantes
Happiness is irritating your Best Friend in the most insane way- Suyog Potdar
If you think I am a freak, weird, and abnormal.. then I am doing my job well!- Amelia Goode
If you are at the end of your rope with failure, don't let go of the swing!- Joe Cervantes
When angry, her vocabulary power increases remarkably.- mohdmustafa99
Your ideas are tennis balls. Not so solid, not so colorful, small, and mostly hit out.- mohdmustafa99
Madame! I don't have a common name for what you have cooked.- mohdmustafa99
Literature should not be taught to adult students who think that Hamlet is the author of Shakespeare.- mohdmustafa99
I met a man whose heart was like a dollar bill- Joe Cervantes
Making of true men is a feminist affair.- mohdmustafa99
They say, men will always be men, well, ladies will be men the day after forever- Nyandogora Edgar Onkendi
I have always tried to obey The Ten Commandments but if there were only four or five of them I would have done much better.- Victor Courage
You can cast out an evil spirit's hold on a person, but you cannot cast out the person's hold on the evil spirit- Sir Brayne
I was born intelligent but education ruined me- ahmad hasan
Beauty lies in the questionable eyesight of the beholder- bornagain
Study is USELESS, cheating is the BEST- lyeah sexcion dasalla
The longer I went to school the more I realized I didn't know, so I quit while I still thought I knew something.- Rick Hoelzer
An old proverb says: 'an elephant never minds barking dogs', but highlight is that the dog 'keeps barking even with no reaction' from the elephant.- Lisa Roy
There are two kinds of people, those who are born to live and those who are born to die and I'm both hence the third: 'those who are bound to die'.- Matt Bill
Related Categories: Funny+Life, Funny+Love, Funny+Philosophy, Funny+Short, Funny+Truth, Funny+Wisdom, Funny+Witty,